What Is Jeff Koinange’s Appeal Exactly?

Riddle me that.

Now before you hit me with that lame speech about what a great and illustrious career he’s had, I pray thee, save it for the unaware. I was rooting for him from the 90’s, before CNN, when he had his brief stint at KTN. I cheered him on in Johannesburg, Nigeria and beyond. Finally when he got to the states, I was nothing short of ecstatic. His accomplishments were something to behold. Seeing him cover New Orleans formed tears in my eyes, a lump in my throat and a smile on my face.

But ever since, it’s been downhill.

There was that saga that got him fired from CNN and earned him the title “Kenyan Date Rapist”(or something of the sort). Then there was that report from Scotland Yard about him endangering and lying to some lady who just wanted to get Ouko’s story out. Then the bribing scandal and….Suffice it to say, 2007 was very messy and I went from being very outspokenly supportive to very quietly ashamed. Betrayed is a more fitting word. I wished he would just sit out the shitstorm and re-emerge later with a well written book and a new outlook on life.

Instead he came home and started kicking up dust again. K24, “All Kenyan….All the time.” Said in an American accent. My soul dies a little every time he does that.

He sits there, day in and day out, flaunting his little trophies, the living embodiment of a fallen star grasping on to the skies in fear of the imminent crash and burn. He’s become a sideshow, a spectacle, a passing joke that’s entirely too embarrassing not to laugh at.

And the more I try to be civil and politically correct in my criticisms of him, the more he turns into this pariah mocking his former glory. His dignity has evaporated with his youth. He’s really getting older and wow, he looks older. Pruney almost.

Warning: Political correctness just exited the building. Forgive me in advance.

The man looks like a dehydrated raisin. A bored cross-dressing chameleon on a summer night with clown make-up on. And he sounds like he may have swallowed one too many Americanized toads. Judging by his jerky readings off the teleprompter, the toads are still alive and we may be able to save them.

Now, I’m not opposed to him doing what he loves. By all means Jeff, please do you. But kindly, I beg of you, quit with the gimmicks. You’re either an entertainer, in which case I am justified in mocking you, or a respectable journalist in which case you should check yourself.

Remember this guy?

And you, dear Wananchi, who watch this man on a daily basis and support his actions….why do you do it? What do you see in him that we don’t? Whatever it is, let me know, please, so that I too can salvage some sort of reverence for Mr. Koinange. Let me know what part of the circus act he calls a TV channel redeems him of the severe offenses he inflicted upon his adoring public. Remind me why he even deserves your attention, let alone mine.

It’s OK, I’ll wait.

14 thoughts on “What Is Jeff Koinange’s Appeal Exactly?

  1. Oh .., this is too funny! “The man looks like a dehydrated raisin. A bored cross-dressing chameleon on a summer night with clown make-up on”? Well, can’t deny you got the description on point.

    Besides that, I think why we/I like him is because he delivers. Especially on the bench. He’s our sorry yet appreciated version of Larry King, milking details out of those poor newsmakers, consultants and fellow clowns in a way that Louis Otieno and Rama Nyang’ cannot. Jeff is a break from the all-the-same, all-boring news. And when he get’s people like Akinyi on the bench, he proves he’s The Sun of Kenyan TV. Besides, scandal is a perfect retreat for failed journalists, not embarrassed enough to retire. As for his reporting.., I agree the frogs have got the best of him and the theatrics don’t suit the newsroom.

    • Very valid points. I just have problems taking him seriously. Not just the looks. But because everything he “stands for” just isn’t him. Integrity? Not really. Non-corrupt, no. Straight forward? No. All Kenyan, all the time? Really?

      I don’t know…I think if he was the program director and wrote his whole script down for K24 and had someone else present it, I’d be more inclined to believe in him and that station. But given his history..and heck, his present state, I can’t take him seriously. Just like a homicidal comedian in a priest’s outfit reading an obituary. Regardless of how serious and earnest the emotion is….it gets lost in the ironic redundancy.

  2. I was watching some of those interviews on K24 a while back my bro and I were cracking up, like chill with the phoney laugh bruh, its very gimmickry for someone who is supposedly doing serious interviews…

    Talk about falling off…

    • It’s sad watchin that homie. He wasn’t on TV when i flipped past the channel last night though. Judging by the number of views we got, I want to say he read the article and spent all night crying.

  3. Ngai mwene! Lol. Funny article. Manze gonga ukuta. Lol

    I particularly dont fancy the guy but my siz kedo likes the guy why I dont ask why? He does look some of those cross dressing trannies on tyra. Just saying.

    Keep up, mzeya, you blog iko fresh to sana.

  4. Watched him for the first time doing the Esther Arunga-Hellon interviews and I couldn’t figure out who bothered me more- the delusional cultists or the supposed ‘journalist’ with the bobblehead action and odd voice inflections. What the heck happened to him? He was never ‘great’ but he did an above decent job at CNN. Nothing like the caricarture he seems to have become.

    • True. But we like to question anything that impacts our culture. It’s not bashing, it’s questioning. I personally never watch the channel. But I keep being told to. So I ask, yet again, why?

  5. How is any of this stuff questioning. We all age, we all don’t stay on top of our game forever. Inherently we are constantly regressing to a shadow of our former selves. As a soccer fan, I am reminded of this every four years when I see new faces especially on the Brazilian squad. To recognize that a brother is not what he once was and then try and rub it in everyone’s face, is to put it mildly quite unfair. I happen to have spent some time with this guy when he worked in NY and my memory of him is that of a very incite full guy. I always think of the one time that we came upon the living conditions of the legendary Fadhili Williams and how we would remiss over what might have been. I look forward to seeing a story on this one day. Lastly, its ok to question a journalist, but at least go for something like perhaps he seemed biased during an interview. Also I was watching Tony Blair on Tv the other day and I came out thinking that I would rather listen to an Obama speech any day. In other words speaking with an American accent is not in any way a betrayal of anything. Frankly its that British snorting that we have come to align with nobility that gets on my nerves.

    • I see your point, but frankly, I question anybody, any time. As soon as people start lauding and looking up to you, you need to prove you’re worth your weight laurels. I’ve met and talked with Jeff. As recently as this month. Still can’t stand the make up, or the hair, or the accent. But worse still, I still can’t look past the allegations of foul play that are so quickly swept under the rug as thought they never were.

      Yeah, I poked quite a bit of fun at him in this piece, but that’s just how I write. I’ll say Obama has dumbo ears that distract us during the lengthy pauses he takes between words and that Kibaki went from look like a mouse when he was young, to a hamster in his old age. Those are satirical depictions. But the opinions behind them are, Obama never really says a whole lot and Kibaki is quite a sneaky rat. So to with Jeff. I think a lot is fake, covered up, synthetic and grossly unappealing.

  6. I take it you are a journalist and I do agree with you to an extent. I also sense something very personal here. You correctly make reference to the word allegations and then turn around and pontificate all over the place.
    That last paragraph was pretty funny. Today’s media is exactly what you refered to in the last sentence.

    • Nope. Not a journalist. Just a guy who gets around. And it’s a blog, no academic truths here. Just pontification and pointless pandering. ‘It’s only entertainment.’

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