While most Kenyans are sitting at home watching the drama unfold screaming “cult”, “stupid girl” amongst other blurts, I’m trembling in fear of what this means for the future of our country.
For those of you who are not up to speed, here’s a quick summary. This news anchor, lawyer, TV personality lady was supposed to marry this guy. They both went to this church, run by this pastor, saxophonist, presidential candidate dude. So this dude also had this friend who liked that news lady. Supposedly, that had nothing to do with the pastor cancelling the lady’s wedding to this guy and instead hooking her up with this friend. Anyhow, at some point, they all got arrested, except for that guy, but he was already out of the picture.
As of yesterday, the lady and the friend are supposedly married. We fail to see how as the friend is still in jail and the lady and her pastor, saxophonist are not.
Oh, and one last thing. This lady is suing her parents for 300million.
The lady is Esther Arunga Timberlake, the guy is Wilson Malaba, the preacher, saxophonist,
quasi-pimp is Joseph Hellon, and his friend is Quincy Zuma Wambiti Timberlake. They are all members of The Finger of God Ministries. But these details are irrelevant.
In fact, although although furiously entertaining, it’s all extremely irrelevant. The only thing worth noting about the matter is how great an impact this will have on Kenya.
While we sit and speculate, Esther Arunga is laying the foundation for a new breed of celebrity: the type of person who’s famous for being infamous.
We’ve seen this before. In fact, we see it all the time in the US and in the West.
The media has realized that anything Esther related is pure gold. Add Hellon to the mix, and it’s platinum. So they have a vested interest in keeping this cash cow mooing. This desire to consume a person is generally what fuels the creation of a strong paparazzi and tabloid movement.
As for Hellon, his relevance is dependent on this newfound celebrity and whether or not he can maintain it. Hellon has a church and the more it grows, the more he makes. He also has a music career and artists to promote, so for as long as he can remain a household name, he’ll try to. Plus he’s trying to run for Presidency in 2 years, so he really needs to gather as much of a following as possible. Same goes for Quincy Timberlake.
As for Mrs. Timberlake, she quit her job, remember? So she needs a new one. A better paying one, probably. Like…say…a Vice-Presidential candidate. I doubt she’ll be using that law degree because Lord knows no one in their right mind is going to get her to represent them. So she’s also coasting off this whole thing, and fueling it as best she can. Suing parents for 300million? Why not? It’ll keep this saga rolling even longer. More skeletons will come out the closet, more opportunities will open up for her on the media scene. Then one day we’ll all wake up and realize she’s made a lot of money off our need to feed off the moral depravity of someone else’s life. She’ll fall off the scene for a while, and we’ll begin looking for some new, desperate young girl to puppeteer into disaster or worse.
But first things first. Pointless drama that keeps a whole country on its toes. It’s like the bacterial stage in development before becoming she becomes full-blown infectious socialite/media queen.
Or maybe maybe I’m wrong and she’ll crash and burn without anybody so much as caring. But judging by the fact that you’re reading this, it’s safe to say that she’s secured her fame and will undoubtedly reap the fruits of it.
This is not the last you will hear of Esther Arunga Timberlake.
EXTRA: And for your entertainment
Update: I was just informed that her name is now Esther Adongo Timberlake. Yeah…