There are lots of really fabulous things about moving back home to Kenya. There are also some not too cool things – cue my ranting about not being able to drive in the night, the tellers that are soooo slow at supermarket tills, crater sequences for roads – the list goes on. However, these are things I know exist in my beautiful land of Kenya and it’s no surprise. But this week, call it hormone rioting, whatever, but I have just found myself growling at a number of things in this beautiful city in the sun and here they are in no particular order:
FaceBook attention seeking statii (is that even a word? Plural of status): Firstly, announcements to tell everyone that you will be spring cleaning your friends list. That’s totally fine – you just don’t need to tell everyone about it. And you certainly don’t need to apologize in advance to those that are getting chopped off your list. Just get on with it!!
Secondly people who life overshare on their status messages and formulate it so eeeeveryone has to ask what’s wrong. Fine example – “very bad news – I swear I’m a failure at life”. Ok, that’s fine – we just don’t all need to know!
Roundabout Manners: People! Lanes cannot be changed while roundabouting (yes I just created another word). You cannot be on the inner most lane and decide smack in the middle of a roundabout, that you need to be on the outer most lane and just move. Cue into next anger vomiting inducing moment – changing lanes without using your signal. It’s there for a reason – USE IT!!
Chewing: Yes I like to chew gum. Fresh minty breath and all that jazz. But there is this one gum chewer I know that really pushes the chewing element of gum chewing. Mouth action to the point I can see said person’s wisdom teeth and they have chewing sound to go with it – totally gross. Just don’t chew and adopt smints as your new mouth friends.
Make-up: Women in Nairobi, I won’t even go into the horrific weaves. If you have no idea how to wear make-up, kindly don’t. See eyebrows have to be in proportion to the rest of your face – yes they do, as much as that may come as a surprise. So drawing eyebrows with shiny eye pencil that go down past your temples and almost half way down your cheeks really isn’t as cool as you had been led to imagine. Foundation is not a face mask to be seen and if you don’t know about the magic of blending, again – stay away from the make-up!
Loudness: Maybe it’s because I came from the cold Nordic north, but what is with people screaming and laughing at the top of their voices – all the time? It’s fine in a pub setting, but in an office it’s just cringe inducing and I don’t even know why I cringe because it’s not me being loud, but I still cringe. I’m standing right next to you, trust me I can hear you – you don’t need to scream about how you got drunk last night with a boss a cardboard wall away.
Lastly is silly questions from over there beyond the seas (read Americans), which shall be the subject of another post…