Disclaimer: Beware of the African man’s ego. (no Kanye)
My lady’s latest facebook profile picture has her at a dinner event smiling ear to ear in a beautiful African-styled dress with none else but
some washed up Irish rock-star/ superhero wannabe Bono standing above her with his hand over her shoulder. My first reaction? Yup, that’s my girl! All the comments and all the “likes” on her profile picture extolling her radiant beauty in those dinner party pictures are just the beginning of the ego-boost I require to get through the day. It’s this constant validation of my taste in women that does wonders for my confidence. And yes, the simple knowledge that there are men out there falling over themselves to sing her praises, while silently habouring thoughts of bedding her, is yummy chow for my ever-hungry ego.
So, to answer my own earlier question, I’m sure she told Bono all about
us ME. She sent me an imaginary text after the private dinner party with him and told me so. Well, at least that’s what my ego would want me to believe. You see, ladies, I’m sure you all know by now just how important it is to cater to a man’s ego (No Beyonce). A Kenyan man at that. That being said, I’m here to inform all you loving, happily attached women out there that his ego needs more stoking than he could ever get from you. That’s why ALL (yes, all) Kenyan men myself included, have other women on the side other sources of external ego-stoking and confidence-boosting.
Just to clarify what I previously said, as much as I need my lady’s validation and her compliments to boost my ego. It is and will never be enough. There’s a saying that goes: “Every man is only allowed to have three great women in his life: his grandmother, my mother and the mother of his children”. I submit to you that validation from any of these three women is something that all men have grown to expect. We know you love us. We appreciate your presence in our lives. Really we do. But we need more. We know you know and we know you’re doing the best you can to boost our egos and make us feel good about ourselves but we still need more. Unlike my lady and all women in general who, once they’re involved, only seek validation from their significant others, men are different. Don’t argue with this, its science.
Therefore most women must have surely noticed that happily married or involved men, as opposed to single men, will always hover around single or other involved women in search of compliments and other forms of validation to boost their egos. C’est la vie.
My only concern here is that most men allow this hunger for ego-stoking from outside sources to get the best of them. This in turn leads to the mushrooming of clandestine relationships, side-chicks, mistresses and all that other crap. I’m not saying I haven’t fallen prey to my own ego, transgressed and indulged in the flesh
even during Lent, what I am saying is that I’ve learnt that it is important for us men to scrutinize the source of this much-needed ego-boost.
If you’re a man and you’re busy outsourcing the task of validating your larger-than-life ego to the following three groups of people, you’ve got issues that you may need to confess to your girl about ASAP (No Usher):
She’s probably the one platonic female friend you’ve got. And by “platonic” I mean you hit that eons ago and she was cool about it so you decided to keep her as a friend. You’ve known her for so long, she’s almost like one of those family-friends that’s always there if you’re ever in town and want to go out, chill, hang out or whatever. What makes her dangerous is the familiarity you share, her fun ways, the way you’ve always managed to keep in contact somehow and ofcourse, the undeniable possibility of shagging her “by mistake”. Suffices it to say that you’d be a fool to think “nothing will happen” if you’re constantly seeking her approval in all matters ego-related (which for us men, is pretty much everything).
Do I even need to expound on this one? Seriously? Like, seriously? The Ex-factor has already been well documented (No L-Boogie) but let me just say this: if you have one or more of those types of Ex’s that you can call up them at anytime no matter how long it’s been since you last spoke and pretty much pick up from where you left off, then keep off. Shamelessly, this is where most men tend to seek most of their ego-stoking and male validation. Tsk, tsk, tsk..
The over-friendly co-worker/ campus buddy:
I’m not saying “stay away from all your co-workers!”, I’m just saying if there’s emails and IM’s flowing between you two not to mention daily lunch dates, random cubicle visits “just to chat” and all the cute office sh*t then you need to cut that sh*t out. I love how most guys act completely oblivious to all the innuendos while reveling in all the attention and subtle affection directed to them by the clearly smitten co-worker/ campus buddy. Oh and by the way, if you’re in any of these professions, that goes double for you!
Okay I’m done. Now you can all do my ego a big favour and flood my post with comments. Cheers!