Does Bono Know About Us?

Disclaimer: Beware of the African man’s ego. (no Kanye)

My lady’s latest facebook profile picture has her at a dinner event smiling ear to ear in a beautiful African-styled dress with none else but some washed up Irish rock-star/ superhero wannabe Bono standing above her with his hand over her shoulder. My first reaction? Yup, that’s my girl! All the comments and all the “likes” on her profile picture extolling her radiant beauty in those dinner party pictures are just the beginning of the ego-boost I require to get through the day. It’s this constant validation of my taste in women that does wonders for my confidence. And yes, the simple knowledge that there are men out there falling over themselves to sing her praises, while silently habouring thoughts of bedding her, is yummy chow for my ever-hungry ego.
So, to answer my own earlier question, I’m sure she told Bono all about us ME. She sent me an imaginary text after the private dinner party with him and told me so. Well, at least that’s what my ego would want me to believe. You see, ladies, I’m sure you all know by now just how important it is to cater to a man’s ego (No Beyonce). A Kenyan man at that. That being said, I’m here to inform all you loving, happily attached women out there that his ego needs more stoking than he could ever get from you. That’s why ALL (yes, all) Kenyan men myself included, have other women on the side other sources of external ego-stoking and confidence-boosting.

Just to clarify what I previously said, as much as I need my lady’s validation and her compliments to boost my ego. It is and will never be enough. There’s a saying that goes: “Every man is only allowed to have three great women in his life: his grandmother, my mother and the mother of his children”. I submit to you that validation from any of these three women is something that all men have grown to expect. We know you love us. We appreciate your presence in our lives. Really we do. But we need more. We know you know and we know you’re doing the best you can to boost our egos and make us feel good about ourselves but we still need more. Unlike my lady and all women in general who, once they’re involved, only seek validation from their significant others, men are different. Don’t argue with this, its science.
Therefore most women must have surely noticed that happily married or involved men, as opposed to single men, will always hover around single or other involved women in search of compliments and other forms of validation to boost their egos. C’est la vie.
My only concern here is that most men allow this hunger for ego-stoking from outside sources to get the best of them. This in turn leads to the mushrooming of clandestine relationships, side-chicks, mistresses and all that other crap. I’m not saying I haven’t fallen prey to my own ego, transgressed and indulged in the flesh even during Lent, what I am saying is that I’ve learnt that it is important for us men to scrutinize the source of this much-needed ego-boost.
If you’re a man and you’re busy outsourcing the task of validating your larger-than-life ego to the following three groups of people, you’ve got issues that you may need to confess to your girl about ASAP (No Usher):

The “homegirl”:
She’s probably the one platonic female friend you’ve got. And by “platonic” I mean you hit that eons ago and she was cool about it so you decided to keep her as a friend. You’ve known her for so long, she’s almost like one of those family-friends that’s always there if you’re ever in town and want to go out, chill, hang out or whatever. What makes her dangerous is the familiarity you share, her fun ways, the way you’ve always managed to keep in contact somehow and ofcourse, the undeniable possibility of shagging her “by mistake”. Suffices it to say that you’d be a fool to think “nothing will happen” if you’re constantly seeking her approval in all matters ego-related (which for us men, is pretty much everything).

The Ex:
Do I even need to expound on this one? Seriously? Like, seriously? The Ex-factor has already been well documented (No L-Boogie) but let me just say this: if you have one or more of those types of Ex’s that you can call up them at anytime no matter how long it’s been since you last spoke and pretty much pick up from where you left off, then keep off. Shamelessly, this is where most men tend to seek most of their ego-stoking and male validation. Tsk, tsk, tsk..

The over-friendly co-worker/ campus buddy:
I’m not saying “stay away from all your co-workers!”, I’m just saying if there’s emails and IM’s flowing between you two not to mention daily lunch dates, random cubicle visits “just to chat” and all the cute office sh*t then you need to cut that sh*t out. I love how most guys act completely oblivious to all the innuendos while reveling in all the attention and subtle affection directed to them by the clearly smitten co-worker/ campus buddy. Oh and by the way, if you’re in any of these professions, that goes double for you!

Okay I’m done. Now you can all do my ego a big favour and flood my post with comments. Cheers!

11 thoughts on “Does Bono Know About Us?

    • Hold your horses there. I believe every man CAN potentially be a one-woman man but a major stumbling block in their path is that they dont know where to draw the line i.e. their egos get the better of them. This is the very weakness that ALL women have learnt to manipulate and exploit. As men, I think we must all begin by acknowledging that we have this weakness within us and consciously strive to avoid putting ourselves in certain unnecessary situations.

    • For me, its quite simple if I make a conscious decision to be with one person, then thats it. If I feel like I’m not getting enough of anything be it physical or psychological, I endeavour to communicate this information to her so we can work it out. As for the other women that keep hanging around, i wont deny its great for my ego and a huge confidence boost for me as a guy, but I make sure the lines are CLEARLY drawn. If they agree to my terms, then it’s all gravy!

  1. Hmm. Very true. I think at some point all men have been victim of this.

    At some point, it gets very pointless. All the side women, I mean. I’ve come to loathe aimless validation and the games women play on male egos. For this reason, I left my ego in the trash can with my last shifty relationship. 99% of the time when someone(read: women) are being nice and stroking your ego, they want something. You’re welcome to argue the contrary, but if it’s not reciprocate affection, it’s money…or a free drink…or the company…or to show off to her friends or some randomness. Doesn’t matter to me.

    Either way, I don’t have time for it. I care not if people(read: women) like me. I’d just like some respect, please and thank you. Without that, all those smiles and compliments, keep them in your purse.


  2. Men will always want more? So you take, and take, and take, and I’ll give, and give, and give and it will never be enough and when you’ve had your fill and move on I’ll be empty.


    Heavy sarcasm there. In case you missed it.

    • It’s give and take on both sides. Everyone needs a lil’ validation. It’s not just a “male ego” thing. Women have egos too (No Beyonce). The only distinction I’m making is that men tend to take things too far sometimes eg. if she’s always complimenting the guy, the guy immediately assumes she’s into him.

  3. you might as well ask your woman; mother, grandmother, significant other… to roll out the red carpet every time you take a breath! so much ego boosting? really? even we women are not this dramatic! great post though…

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