‘Is it cool for a girl with a boyfriend to have another guy as a best friend?’ I’ve been hearing this debate for a while so it’s time to speak on it but from a guy’s point of view.
In a nutshell the situation normally involves a girl with her loving boyfriend (hereinafter referred to as ‘bf 1’) then there is a separate special relationship she has with her best friend (hereinafter referred to as ‘bf 2’). Nothing wrong with that, we all have best pals-they are our confidants, our voice of reason when we’re contemplating rash actions, our drinking partners, those we run when we’re having problems with our other friends and just any problems in general…
But, is there a problem when bf2 is another guy?
For the ultramodern male the scenario described is all good- am sure we’ve all heard of bf1’s who even drop off their lady at bf2’s crib n do some more dumb sh*t like chill at home while she’s out in westy with bf 2 all nite.
Males and females are inherently and patently different. Males tend to cluster and hang out in crews or gangs-whatever you want to call it. The fact is males enjoy the company of their fellow males and that’s why a large number of them will be seen on a loose Friday (or if you’re in Nairobi a loose Monday or loose Tuesday or loose Wednesday or a loose … you get my drift) in a big group enjoying some booze and/or meat discussing and plotting their next conquests. FACT-a guy doesn’t need alone time with his (guy) best pal (if he’d call him best pal…no homo), they don’t need to go on movies, or coffee dates, or dinner dates, or lunches to ‘catch up’ or hang out ‘just the two’ of them. Men just aren’t built like that,-he can have a best pal but usually the best part of that friendship is that they congregate with other like-minded dudes and enjoy good times (again, no homo).
Girls, on the other hand are built like that. By ‘like that’ I mean a girl will tend to have 2 or 3 girls who will be the equivalent of a secret diary. They’ll talk and talk and talk… but one of the key features of those types of friendships is their exclusivity. Two girl pals will have their routine activities that involve just the two (maybe three) of them-things like going for coffee/icecream/ that Friday night movie thing, doing hair together, shopping together etc. And its actually a crisis in that friendship when they don’t keep in touch for over a week (guys can fail to keep in touch with each other for like 6 months and get on like a house of fire when they next meet without even giving a thought to their friendship ‘falling apart’).
Clearly men and women are different in respect to how they view their friendships which is why neither the guy nor the girl should have any qualms about the bf spending time with his boyz/the gf hanging out with her best pal. There surely shouldn’t be a red flag when the bf goes to watch soccer with the boyz all afternoon (and a large part of the night). Similarly the bf should smell a rat whenever the gf is going to meet her girl for ice-cream or shopping to catch up. But what if she’s gonna ‘catch up’ and lick ice-cream with Mr. John Terry (i.e her ‘girl’ is a boy-a straight one at that)? Objectively viewed a guy and a chick meeting for coffee or icecream or dinner is a date. When I say objectively, I mean viewed by a person outside the whole triangle the dude watchin the mama grinding her fine booty on bf 2 in Q’s while bf 1 is watching music vidz on Kiss tv… but she’ll call it platonic…
Firstly, is there any such thing as platonic in such a situation? The gf will probably retort ‘he’s like a brother to me’…Honey a brother he is NOT. See the thing about a brother that makes him different from your guy best pal is that your brother can’t ‘rock your boat’. He just can’t – and even if he wanted to that would just be SICK. However, there is nothing sick about wanting to ‘rock the boat’ of someone you spend several hours with, someone who’s company you clearly enjoy, someone whom you miss when you don’t see each other…it may be a betrayal of trust to all involved, but sick it is not-in any case most serious relationships begin as friendships so one could argue that it’s the proper route to use.
Granted not all girls want to sleep with their bf 2’s and in some situations some bf 2’s may not want to sleep with their (female) best pal even if they were given the chance (no homo lol) but don’t tempt nature – leaving oneself open to temptation is usually risky (unless one/both of the best palz eventually want nature to take its course)…
To all the bf 2’s out there-be patient, the pressure will pay off one day.
To all the bf 1’s out there – don’t come to us in the pub all sulky,telling us that you’re pissed off and asking dumb questions like “how could this happen?” and “I didn’t see this coming”… Homeboy: You used to drop her off at his crib!!!!!!!! And chill at home watching Top Gear while she was grinding with bf 2 at Red Tape to ‘Best I Ever Had’ and ‘Wind For Me’!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To all mamaz—can I be your best friend?