“I share a bed with my best friend…it’s cool – it’s platonic”

Is it cool for a girl with a boyfriend to have another guy as a best friend?’ I’ve been hearing this debate for a while so it’s time to speak on it but from a guy’s point of view.

In a nutshell the situation normally involves a girl with her loving boyfriend (hereinafter referred to as ‘bf 1’) then there is a separate special relationship she has with her best friend (hereinafter referred to as ‘bf 2’). Nothing wrong with that, we all have best pals-they are our confidants, our voice of reason when we’re contemplating rash actions, our drinking partners, those we run when we’re having problems with our other friends and just any problems in general…

But, is there a problem when bf2 is another guy?

For the ultramodern male the scenario described is all good- am sure we’ve all heard of bf1’s who even drop off their lady at bf2’s crib n do some more dumb sh*t like chill at home while she’s out in westy with bf 2 all nite.

Males and females are inherently and patently different. Males tend to cluster and hang out in crews or gangs-whatever you want to call it. The fact is males enjoy the company of their fellow males and that’s why a large number of them will be seen on a loose Friday (or if you’re in Nairobi a loose Monday or loose Tuesday or loose Wednesday or a loose … you get my drift) in a big group enjoying some booze and/or meat discussing and plotting their next conquests. FACT-a guy doesn’t need alone time with his (guy) best pal (if he’d call him best pal…no homo), they don’t need to go on movies, or coffee dates, or dinner dates, or lunches to ‘catch up’ or hang out ‘just the two’ of them. Men just aren’t built like that,-he can have a best pal but usually the best part of that friendship is that they congregate with other like-minded dudes and enjoy good times (again, no homo).

Girls, on the other hand are built like that. By ‘like that’ I mean a girl will tend to have 2 or 3 girls who will be the equivalent of a secret diary. They’ll talk and talk and talk… but one of the key features of those types of friendships is their exclusivity. Two girl pals will have their routine activities that involve just the two (maybe three) of them-things like going for coffee/icecream/ that Friday night movie thing, doing hair together, shopping together etc. And its actually a crisis in that friendship when they don’t keep in touch for over a week (guys can fail to keep in touch with each other for like 6 months and get on like a house of fire when they next meet without even giving a thought to their friendship ‘falling apart’).

Clearly men and women are different in respect to how they view their friendships which is why neither the guy nor the girl should have any qualms about the bf spending time with his boyz/the gf hanging out with her best pal. There surely shouldn’t be a red flag when the bf goes to watch soccer with the boyz all afternoon (and a large part of the night). Similarly the bf should smell a rat whenever the gf is going to meet her girl for ice-cream or shopping to catch up. But what if she’s gonna ‘catch up’ and lick ice-cream with Mr. John Terry (i.e her ‘girl’ is a boy-a straight one at that)? Objectively viewed a guy and a chick meeting for coffee or icecream or dinner is a date. When I say objectively, I mean viewed by a person outside the whole triangle the dude watchin the mama grinding her fine booty on bf 2 in Q’s while bf 1 is watching music vidz on Kiss tv… but she’ll call it platonic…

Firstly, is there any such thing as platonic in such a situation? The gf will probably retort ‘he’s like a brother to me’…Honey a brother he is NOT. See the thing about a brother that makes him different from your guy best pal is that your brother can’t ‘rock your boat’. He just can’t – and even if he wanted to that would just be SICK. However, there is nothing sick about wanting to ‘rock the boat’ of someone you spend several hours with, someone who’s company you clearly enjoy, someone whom you miss when you don’t see each other…it may be a betrayal of trust to all involved, but sick it is not-in any case most serious relationships begin as friendships so one could argue that it’s the proper route to use.

Granted not all girls want to sleep with their bf 2’s and in some situations some bf 2’s may not want to sleep with their (female) best pal even if they were given the chance (no homo lol) but don’t tempt nature – leaving oneself open to temptation is usually risky (unless one/both of the best palz eventually want nature to take its course)…

To all the bf 2’s out there-be patient, the pressure will pay off one day.

To all the bf 1’s out there – don’t come to us in the pub all sulky,telling us that you’re pissed off and asking dumb questions like “how could this happen?” and “I didn’t see this coming”… Homeboy: You used to drop her off at his crib!!!!!!!! And chill at home watching Top Gear while she was grinding with bf 2 at Red Tape to ‘Best I Ever Had’ and ‘Wind For Me’!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To all mamaz—can I be your best friend?

14 thoughts on ““I share a bed with my best friend…it’s cool – it’s platonic”

  1. LOL, bF1 AND BF2 situations are ever tricky.. why?
    1) BF1 will either be the boring type hence need for the so called “platonic” dude.
    2)BF2 will be hotter than BF1 more fun more evrything hence suppresed feeling that will eventually blow up.
    3)BF3 has extreme feeling that will eentually come out or he is plain gay or the chic is butt ugly.
    4)All parties are jealous.

    Personaly every BF2 situation I ever had we ended up sleeping together and stopped being friends.

  2. In my rule book if there’s a bf1 then bf2 is not of the same gender as me, hence me +bf1+bf2 = 1 big happy family. If bf2 is the same gender as me then bf1 needs to decide where he stands coz that’s an affair waiting to happen. That’s a side dish masquereding as a ‘best friend’ that he/she is mouth watering on while he struggles to eat his main meal. mhhhhh

  3. WELL. I disagree entirely!
    I am in the bf1/bf2 situation: i have known my bf2 for years now, we get on like mad, we tell each other (almost) everything and he’s happily dating some other chick!
    I have a bf1 who I’ve known just over a year, I met him through bf2, they’re very good friends themselves and (I think) everyone in this “triangle” is happy and respects the situation as it is.
    Are we all just sitting on a massive timebomb?

    • Well, if it’s a triangle one can picture that working—but if it’s not a full triangle e.g if your bf1 is outta town or stgh n u decide u wanna go see a movie or do dinner or go clubbing solo with bf2 then that’s a date—coz that’s what people who date do—or sometimes that’s what guyz who like a girl do…so it’s so easy for the lines to get blurred in such situations. just my thots…

  4. I agree with db10iceman, Char tell us what happens a year from now. If you and bf2 were left in an island how platonic would your activities be? Open that door that has that KEEP OFF sign. What’s inside?

  5. Ok, we’re all family here, Kenyan internet people, so I’ll be candid. Girls know their male friends want to have sex with them. That’s WHY we keep some around. Women like attention, and no man will ever show you more attention than one who thinks fawning over you will score him some in the future.

    It may sound cold, but, to be fair, most of us don’t do it consciously. It just sort of happens. Like when you have to move furniture or need a ride to the airport or someone to pay for lunch. Eyelash-batting is a reflex, I swear.

    But, guys, don’t get too mad. There’s something in it for you. When she’s mad at BF1, feeling self-conscious about her looks, or a little too drunk, YOU are the one she calls. You’re the first in line to opportunistically hit that while her guard is down. Frankly, if she told you that would be the deal in the beginning, you’d probably still play the game.

    • “Frankly, if she told you that would be the deal in the beginning, you’d probably still play the game.”

      LOL. Maybe….

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