I should have stayed my ass at home

The party animal I once was..

I have come to realise that a lot of people force themselves to go out because they are young and it is the status quo way of having a “good time”… but when they do it, a good time is usually not had. When I was younger, an entire weekend “wasted” at home would be spent thinking and imagining all the shenanigans, dastardly deeds and wonderfully sinful things my age-mates were out there engaging in without me.

However, by the time I turned 24, I’d mutter “i should have stayed my ass at home” at least once during at least 80 percent of my nocturnal outings.

For one simple reason: At the ripe old age of 24 years, I had already done/experienced/seen it all.

Disclaimer: What you’re about to read is not a poem just words I put together in short sentences arranged haphazardly to look like poetry a short explanation as to why I’d rather stay at home and sleep on most weekends than go clubbing.

Clubbing – by NV

A large man whose life is utterly meaningless between Sunday and Thursday,
now holds the keys to my very soul.
This meat popsicle of a bouncer and his ridiculous door policy
Letting 10 hot chicks for every 1 dude
So I pay my way in and immediately I am reminded:
Nothing that will happen in here is new to me.

At a table, I’ll be served with watered down alcohol,
cold food, and even colder stares for tips,
At the bar, I’ll lose my voice communicating my order
grab my overpriced drink and survey the land.

I’ll see the group of girls come in,
low tops, high skirts, everything hanging out,
making sure that they are the center of attention,
just to get free drinks for the night
the wallflowers blooming, the drunks weaving,
the freaks gyrating, the lovers rocking.
tough guys playing shy, shy guys playing the tough role,
both with the same goal, to take the girl home

I’ll see Security throw people out,
break up fights, cause a couple of fights, and have sex on the floor.
I’ll see the DJ get head while he’s spinning.
Go from super hero status to super zero status
with one song.
Dancehall to techno?
Looking around, I have to make sure I went to the right club.
The dance floor clears immediately.

I’ll see women I thought would never dress like that, dress like that
Breasts perked up, 6 inch heels, skirt with no panties,
ready to go… and get attention.
Women who love how they look in heels but hate how they feel
So they have big enough purses to carry a pair of flats.

I’ll see dudes ordering one drink after the other
they know its one more drink and they pass out,
and yet, they drink anyway.
I’ll see the jealous boyfriend letting his girl dress in a seductive way,
then get mad at EVERY dude in the club looking her way.
I’ll see dudes that have no rhythm, dancing like their life depended on it,
and the women who stick around only for the inevitable drink offer afterwards.

While I’m waiting in the queue to use the gents,
I’ll get puked on and if I’m lucky
the liquid splatter wont land anywhere on me
except my shoes, bits and chunks of food spewed on the floor
If not I’ll wait some more and probably get hit on,
I’ll finally walk in and find an unholy mess of puke and poo
Finish my business and threaten my bladder never to make me return

At dawn-ish, the closing lights come on,
I’ll survey all the damage around me.
The spilled beer, the mixing straws all over the floor,
the drunken stragglers squinting against the harshness of the lights,
the unfulfilled dreams, the broken promises,
the horror of it all…

Outside, I’ll see drunken ladies pulling their skirts up and down
in an eternal battle of tug of war,
drunk guys pleading to the cops to let them go,
cops trying to pull over all the cars with loud music.

And I’ll say with a straight face, I’m done with it all.
I’ve seen it all.


Anyways, good people of DR, I trust you all had a restful and enjoyable Easter break. Allow me to ask though, what’s the big deal with “going out” anyways? Define it how you will, but my question remains. Shouldnt we all reach a point when we stop and ask ourselves whether clubbing is really worth it? Isn’t saying adieu to the clubbing life an integral part of growing up? Or am I not allowed judge a person who is 40something and still insists on clubbing like a crazy teenager?

17 thoughts on “I should have stayed my ass at home

  1. Hio poem jo! wacha tu.
    I think its the society we live in that glorifies clubbing mob especially among the youth. As for the older crowd, its mostly slimy old men on the prowl looking for young chicks.

    That being said, I think there ARE more grown-up ways of having a good clubbing experience. it all depends on the crowd you’re with and the caliber of joints you frequent.

  2. Haha i like this article, summarises my sentiments for clubbing to the point. I just never cared for it all kabisa probably a personality disorder hehe may have some midlife crisis in my 40’s hehe. There is a time and place for everything in life. Clubbing is not the problem its the whole notion that its the only way to have fun when your young, i occasionally indulge on a night out because i have the urge to unleash some dance moves and enjoy myself n none of the other horrors in your article. So it serves a purpose then. I think as you grow older you just become more picky about location, services provided etc and go out because you want to not cos everyone is doing it and your feeling left behind…and people say peer pressure is for teens hehe

    • @ Ali: you had me at “grow older”. Unfortunately social networking (no facebook) is crucial nowadays and with it comes a lot of receptions, dinner-parties, banquets etc.. I have no problem with that. I also dont have a problem with a nice chilled out evening at a restaurant or a lounge somewhere (if I’m notified atleast 72 hours prior). What I have a problem with is grown up boys and girls calling me up at funny hours with random plans taking place at equally random places.
      I’ve never handled peer pressure well so when those spontaneously unwarranted invites are thrown my way, I lie through my teeth to get out of them.

      oh and btw, you’re welcome. And could you please upload an avatar.. already! 🙂

      • Haha ati grown ups calling you at funny hours…si that there is the problem just lenga calls past normal hours!!But i know what you mean with social networking and all its freebies and having to lie to get out of random plans.

  3. I attempted clubbing this weekend. Let’s just say it turned me into a tourist, driving very slowly in Westlands, looking rather curiously at young ones at what they call fun.

    • LOL! I can’t stand to see these ignant a$$ teens nowadays running around together, purposely being loud and obnoxious like it’s cute.
      Makes me wanna take off my belt and sh*t. #Imjustsayin

      • I bet once upon a time you were an ignant a$$ teen loud and obnoxious hehe acha the kids have fun hehe just gotta find some other scene to party without the kids

  4. all the more reason why i prefer house parties, but on the other hand, you wouldn’t have know all this stuff if you hadn’t clubbed, right? Ali is right, it’s a stage.

  5. To answer your qstn: ” Isn’t saying adieu to the clubbing life an integral part of growing up?”

    I don’t believe it is. Who says you can’t go to the club at 60?! We’ve all seen those old people at the club and most of us call them creepy… but they are just “having fun”. Like you said clubbing is the status quo of having a good time-

    I think clubbing is one of those things where you have to be utterly honest with yourself either you like, you don’t, or it depends on the situation. The thing is are you going to be utterly honest with yourself and to others about it ?

    At the end of the day though I believe that fun is what you make it … If you go to the club no expecting a good time… uhm…there a high chance that your expectations will be met , isn’t it ?

    • I’ll concede to the fun factor you alluded to.
      As for the rest of your comment, lets agree to disagree.
      Just to clarify my earlier point, saying adieu to clubbing doesnt mean you turn into some kind of hermit. It just means that your priorities in life change. You’re no longer looking at the upcoming weekend as the time you hit the clubs and dance the night away. Your time is valuable, your responsibilities are varied and you still need to squeeze in time to sleep and rest before the new working week dawns.

      So I dont think its a question of like or dislike. Its a question of reality. Going clubbing is definitely not a realistic or sustainable way to spend one’s precious weekend time.

      You’re welcome btw.

  6. Just read two posts and LMAO over and over!!!

    Soeaking of rave.. i soooo feel you… think i started re-evaluating like 4 years ago..nowadays the hanye just aint worth the effort…

    Funny stuff!!

  7. What happens in the club, stays in the club! (Word to that explicit poem)
    That being said, I think its only natural to reach a point and an AGE where you feel like you’ve seen it all and done it all.
    However I dont see anything wrong with an occasional night-out of drinks and dancing. Let’s face it, deep down, we all want to feel like we’re young again (No Hov).

  8. Pingback: Ashamed to Be African « Diasporadical

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