Platonic? Seriously?

My best friend is a guy. And I, on most days, am a girl.

I am not a physical person. I don’t much like hugs, and I consciously scoot away from seatmates in matatus and buses. I get squeamish when anyone but baby-girl holds my hand.

[It takes a lot to let the Best Friend hold my hand. First time it happened, I nearly shed hair!!]

But with liked and loved ones, I can’t keep my fingers to myself. I’m forever tugging locks, tickling noses and pecking cheeks. I can’t keep my hands off my man – take that any way you will.

Also, since I have more guy-friends than girl-friends (think 11:1), I am often seen walking with ‘random’ gentlemen, arms linked, hands held [uncomfortably], yapping ceaselessly and staring into said gentlemen’s eyes. I like to look in people’s eyes when they’re talking. Force of habit.

This has never bothered me, because in some ways, I have many best friends. I have my baby; I have the only two girls in the world with whom I would entrust said baby; I have my Sailor, whom I tell everything, including stuff that one probably should not tell a significant other. And then I have this best friend, what Iceman would call my BF2. Except without the bed-sharing part – that’s  just creepy.

BF2 and I are both in serious relationships – with other people – so we know our boundaries. I tell my Sailor about everything I do with BF2, and so far, he has never complained. But yesterday, I had one of those out of body moments. The ones where you stand outside yourself and just watch.

I was walking with BF2, holding hands and squirming, in the CBD, in broad daylight, nothing to hide, right? But then I stepped outside the moment and just looked – really looked. It happened after a waiter commented on something we ate. See, he gave me a salad, because the microwave was broken, and when I went for a huge cookie dessert, he said salad was better, so that I can keep my shape for my boyfriend.

I didn’t correct him – I’m not sure why. I guess it’s because he was a stranger and it didn’t matter. But on the walk home, holding hands, I kept thinking how cosy we looked, how comfortable, how at ease. And I kept wondering what Sailor would think, or Mrs BF2, if they were to bump into us laughing and joking and holding hands. Creepy.

Then I thought how I would feel if I saw Sailor holding hands with some random girl. I’d likely pluck her eyes out [on the inside, of course]. Questions – if any – would come later.

In an ideal world, platonic friendships should have a simple rule – don’t do anything you wouldn’t do with your **insert relevant gender** pals. Since I generally would not shag my female friends, that should cover it, yes?

No. I can swim with my girl pals, or share a shower stall in the gym. With BF2, not so much. If, in a drunken moment, a girl-pal and I ended up doing this, we would blame spiked alcohol and move on. Again, same situation, BF2, not so much. So clearly, the whole platonic thing … different rules, different game.

But my biggest dilemma is this: how the eff am I going to tell my beloved Bf2 that I can no longer hold his hand?!

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18 thoughts on “Platonic? Seriously?

  1. Pingback: Platonic Theology, Volume 5, Books XV-XVI | Ebook Online Free

  2. I feel for you o.
    You can go cold turkey on the hand holding…or
    Have that weird conversation about hand holding…or
    Slowly withdraw said hand holding so there are no withdrawal effects and lashback hehe….or
    Get some tips from the good people of DR 😉 eh good luck…let us know how things go.

  3. CB, holding hands ALWAYS and IN PUBLIC is a bit much for a BF2. In fact I’m surprised it’s not landed in you in serious problems yet (gossip, rumours, drama with BF2’s chick..etc.). My advice to you is to take the balls by the bull and tell him you’re uncomfortable with it all and you’d rather not do it. The X- factor in platonic r/ships is always the guy, precisely because you don’t know what he’s thinking. And even he tells you its nothing to him and you know he’s with someone, at the back of his mind best believe he’s thinking about that thing, that thiiing! (word to Lauryn Hill)

    • Holding hands? Going on dessert dates while staring into his eyes?
      This deserves a whole blog post response lol

      …so your doing everything with BF2 that you’d do with a boyfriend–apart from sharing a bed???

      • me thinks its just a matter of time before you get shagged by Bf2…i mean thats the only think missing, right?

    • I think what Iceman means to say is: “platonic friendships are a figment of the female imagination that we as men deal with/tolerate to eventually break them down … or meet more of their friends.” Am I right? lol 🙂

      • “I am often seen walking with ‘random’ gentlemen, arms linked, hands held [uncomfortably], yapping ceaselessly and staring into said gentlemen’s eyes.

        I was walking with BF2, holding hands and squirming, in the CBD,

        See, he gave me a salad, because the microwave was broken, and when I went for a huge cookie dessert, he said salad was better, so that I can keep my shape for my boyfriend.

        But on the walk home, holding hands, I kept thinking how cosy we looked, how comfortable, how at ease.”

  4. We lawyers have a doctrine which we use when dealing with cases of suspected bias during court cases:
    “Justice must not only be done, but it must be seen to be done.”

    Therefore in situations where there’s even an apprehension of bias (as opposed to actual, proven bias) either on the part of the presiding judge or one of the lawyers, the opposing counsel can ask for the particular party to recuse (withdraw) him/herself from the proceedings.

    In the case of your platonic friendship, you may be holding his hand with no ulterior motives (I cant say the same for him) but to the outside world, there is still an apprehension of something-unplatonic going down between both of you. No amount of explaining and justification can alter this public perception. By your own admission, it would be weird, to say the least, if you were to be seen by your significant others walking around cozily hand in hand. That being said, situations will arise that your BF2 will hold your hand, shield you or grab you out of harms way. These moments of chivalry are few and far between. The rest of that touchy touchy stuff is a no-no. Trust me, it’s for the good of your continued friendship with him.

    You’re welcome btw.

  5. Something is wrong for a female to have the time for such a friendship. I imagine myself a typical male and I would not in the least be comfortable if my woman were in this situation. With kids, work, family and taking care of your man… where does one get the time for this? I can almost guarantee trouble coz my estimation is thathe pripmary dude is going to realise his physical needs are not being met. Otherwise he is pulling a Tigerwoods.

  6. Smells like trouble brewing. I would not be surprised if BF1 is pulling a Tigerwoods. As a guy we may not know how to tell our woman they are in the wrong. we expect your mom to have taught the female how to do right by us.

  7. I cannot for the love of truth, recall an attractive girl that I call a friend, that I haven’t had thoughts of bedding. Whether or not she’s in a serious relationship(unless married), if she lets her guard down, mine will automatically follow suit. Then we’ll talk about how bad we’ve been, then we’ll go back to being friends or not, doesn’t really matter after the ‘fact’ 🙂 Repeat cycle.

    ‘Platonic’ friends are bull fecal matter. You do not need to qualify a friend unless you feel a need to have an excuse…(as is the case in the blog post).

    A friend is a friend. Period.

  8. this always happens when we have different gender tights in the mix! In the melange of |we are just friends or platonic thingi!| minds will stray into completely natural territory and if u aint lucky enuf to have a hard head shit can get really freaky! So straighten shit out with BF2, I mean the only thing that separates him from your sailor is that u aint sleeping with him yet!

  9. Holding hands with BF2 has to go. I am with you on the platonic friends though from experience if the ToR is not defined then assumptions apply.
    Define the ToR(Terms of Reference) just in case 🙂

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