Kindly Finance Your Stupid Wedding?

My inbox is full with text messages of friends and family asking me to join their wedding committees. I even got one from my ex. (Jesus!)

I’m not quite sure what happens in other countries, but in Kenya, when someone asks you to be part of their wedding committee, it is never to play an advisory role. Were your siblings and friends just honest enough, they’d probably say, “Hey! I’m demanding Ksh.800,000 from you to make my chic happy for one day.”

Now, I would understand if we were raising funds to assist a loved one with their medical expenses, or to give them a dignified send-off once they pass away. It’s even better when we pool our meager resources to pay school fees for an orphan.

But for a wedding?! Seriously? When did that become a need?

Some may argue that it all boils down to culture. ‘We’ve always done it this way. Africa is a communal society. A woman doesn’t just get married to her husband, she get’s married to her husband’s community as well. I say that’s bullshit. Marriage is about two people. When they wed, when they make love, when they make babies, when they fight and when they break up, it’s just the two of them. Even in a polygamous marriages, it’s about two people. Ask Jacob Zuma and while you’re at it, read your Bible, Genesis something something all the way to Revelation. You won’t miss it.

What you might miss is my take on weddings, wedding committees and inflated wedding budgets.

It’s Really Not That Necessary

No it isn’t.

Especially if:

  1. You just realized you’re pregnant.
  2. You know for sure that you cannot afford a wedding at the moment. (You really won’t break up if you just stay together.)
  3. You’ve lived together for more than five years, took the liberty to have sex repeatedly and even have a child.., and by extension children, and still cannot afford a wedding
  4. Your pastor/priest/ horoscope  says that living together without solemnizing your marriage before God is a grave sin, and he convinces you to get married but is not willing to solely meet the cost of your wedding.
  5. You think your man is seeing other women, and out of insecurity you ask him where this thing is headed and convince him to marry you just so that he can be faithful to you.
  6. You are keeping track of the rising separation and divorce rates.

That Budget is Insulting

There is no nicer way to say this, but it’s got to be said. When you ask people to give you money to fulfill a certain objective not expecting to refund that money, it’s actually called ‘BEGGING.’ Now, if you’re going to beg for something, at least go about it humbly. Don’t push an issue as if it were a national crisis needing urgent attention. So when your wedding committee does not see the need for you and the bride to ride in a Limo when one of them is offering his brand new Premio, then the Premio it shall be.

It pisses me off to see some guy in the committee say “It is up to us to ensure that James and Nancy have the perfect wedding.” No it’s not. It’s just up to us to see that James and Nancy have a wedding, the quality of which should have been long determined by the couple’s financial ability. And still on begging, also note that…

Those Fund Raising Cards are Embarrassing

Who the hell came up with the idea of asking.., my bad, begging.., a total stranger to fund your wedding? How do you, by virtue of being a member of your committee, give me your fund raising cards to collect money for your wedding from my colleagues at work? That’s just wrong! There should be a law against such shady moves. And if the guys don’t feel any shame, at least the ladies should.

Girls, the fact that you are getting married to this man means that you’re entrusting him to take care of you for the rest of your life. That’s why you didn’t help him pay your bride price in first place. And though you’re a successful, career woman with a bank account to die for, you still will not meet at least half of your wedding expenses. It’s the man’s job to provide. But honey, when your future husband is out there texting, calling and emailing all his buddies and his buddies’ buddies for cash to wed you, what does it really say about him?

LOSER!!

It’s a Rip-Off

Let me tell you a little story about some distant relatives of mine.

This couple, they’ve been together since they met in college 15 years ago. Well into their late 30s, they have a child who’ll soon turn 10 this year. Both husband and wife are highly educated.., and very convincing. My mom and I like to joke that they can talk their way through a tornado unscathed. For reasons beyond my understanding, the woman will not get employed and neither does she have a business that earns her any sort of income. On the other hand, her man cannot keep a job for more than six months and is always asking us to buy him a drink. When the two show up for a family event, they’re dressed to the nines. But you haven’t heard the funny part yet.

About two years ago, they announced their intention to have a church wedding. Please note, they already had a child. As is the norm, they got us all in a large committee and for months we planed and strategized, raised funds like the cash were going to Haiti, and yes.., had that colorful wedding. The gifts were so immense, it took 3 trucks to get them all hauled away into the couples rented flat.

Now, part of the funds we had raised was meant to cater for a one-week honeymoon in Zanzibar, but guess what? The couple did not go! Yup, they didn’t even book the resort. After the wedding, they went home, switched off their phones and locked themselves in for a week. Their little girl was only too eager to tell us how Zanzibar wasn’t.

Just Take a Loan

Have a wedding by me, baby…

I have waited for so damn long for Barclays to come up with a Wedding Loan. If they have one for moving house, or to enable you buy a 40” LCD TV (that would probably fall down and break when moving or blow during a power surge) I’m so sure they can come up with a wedding loan. They can even call it Oa Sasa! Or Ndoa Sasa! Anything, really. And the beauty of it is in the collateral. See, if you’re vowing before God and other witnesses that you’re going to be together for the rest of your lives, through sickness and health, poverty and wealth till death do you part, how will you not repay that loan? And just like taking a loan to start a business, you will do anything to ensure that marriage works. Separation, divorce or taking time off will not be an option. Should you go separate ways, the bank will send auctioneers your way to take away all the gifts you received during your wedding together with all the stuff you bought during the only happy year of your marriage. Awesome!

That said, let me extend this wedding invitation to all o’ ya’ll.

 

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128 thoughts on “Kindly Finance Your Stupid Wedding?

  1. The pictures on this article painted a thousand and one pictures.. my workmates thought I was going nutz.

    Cool stuff.

    • Thanks man.

      I’ll try placing a disclaimer next time at the top of my posts” “Scroll Down Discretely”

  2. just this afternoon I was ranting on Twitter after I got a text from a ‘friend’ inviting me to be in their committee (read wedding fundraiser).
    My dislike for wedding committees is so strong,I wasn’t in my own sister’s. They ask, ‘who will help you when you’re getting married?’. I reply that I probably won’t have a wedding (doesn’t make sense), or if I do, I’ll pay for my wedding thank you very much!
    Excellent post!

    • What is so fucking annoying is receiving an inbox from a long-time college mate, one that you were not even so close in college asking you to be a member of his/her wedding committee. A wedding is not an emergency, plan and fund it in advance; worse it’s not a must have, if you cannot fund it, cut the begging crap, we have lots and lots of financial commitments of our own. I wish people knew this.

  3. Last year I had 5 close friends wedding. You have no idea how tasking it was for me. It left me dented big! Am praying hard that the day I decide this is it, I will show them how it should have been and how it should be done

      • Lol. This is so amazing. Finally, somebody to put it in writing. I hope to see less wedding committees this year. Thanks Nittzsah.
        Supreme – I can imagine. The pledges and the venue fee for every time they meet.

  4. Heavy Co-signage on this one. If you cannot afford it go the DC or court, doing big wedding just so people talk about it bs…do it for YOU.

    • By the way.., it costs approximately 7k at the AG’s.., 30min max for the whole ceremony. They’ve even pimped the place.

      • Yeah! The walls have been painted are orange (or maybe I’m colour blind) But, its a short simple and yes, beautiful affair at the AG’s. What more, they give biscuits and juice!

  5. LOL @ ‘Ndoa sasa’ wedding loan from Barclays! Nittzah, you’re absolutely right. It IS begging-straight up! Its ludicrous the lengths Kenyans will go to just to have that fairy tale hollywood wedding they can’t afford… only to end up filing for divorce in less than 5 years!

    • You know what I’m yet to see on that stupid thing called Wedding Show on Citizen TV? A wedding at the AG’s. Simple, short and cheap.

      • that show on Citizen has made people crazy, ‘i want mine to be like that honey’ me think that’s just a marketing ploy

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  7. For me that is a deal killer, the fundraising for a wedding thing. I get that invitation from a friend, then I re-evaluate the friendship. With real hardships, and then they present me with such foolishness? I had a relative who had no shame, a couple of weeks after a cousin had a major operation, and we had pulled out money for his medical expenses, she pulls this stunt. She invited us to a “wedding party”. I have not talked to her since, and do not see that changing in the near future.

    Life is too short.

  8. Excellent post! I couldn’t agree more. I should forward this post to all my pals inadvance before they think of including me in this type of nonsense.

  9. very funny write!! but hey, you were right on the money and echoed my thoughts exactly. That invitation is the funniest..lol…lol

  10. I get many texts inviting me to the wedding committees and i simply don’t attend them. If one is not ready for a wedding, they should simply shut up and wait for the time that they would be ready. I find it a bad idea

  11. Thats a superb posting… I couldnt agree more either, but more superb is its posting which came waaaaaay after I had invited all and sundry to support my extravagant wedding, and so the turnout was just great.

    Uhmmm… anyway, pple should stop this – its so disgusting but thank God I shall never have to repeat it.

  12. Funeral committees can be equally frustrating.. if not more! Especially since you’re dealing with relatives that can be so self-righteous and petty.

    • My next post should have something to do with funeral committees and why Kenyans should consider donating/selling their organs once they die or their bodies for Medical research.

      I read sometime back that UoN med students couldn’t get cadavers to practice on. Yet we complain that our surgeons are not competent enough and we have to pay hundreds of thousands of shillings just to get a Tonsilectomy all the way in India.

  13. Since there is a new mimi I have to instist am the original.

    Weddings are a complete mess, I plan to have a weddding budget of atmost 20K, we go the AG, people eat hotdogs and they bring their own beer. Msee haitambamba asicome, the only expensive thing will be my daughters dress! Lol I completely refuse to be on wedding committees and people who hire my daughter for flower girls and insist on me buying expensive outfits that she hates or have stupid hair styles. She is 3 damnit!

    Now am half done ranting.

    Nitz great blog and the last pic is just hilarious!

    • Asante sana .., do I say Wewe or Mimi? 🙂

      Either way.., keep your little girl out of this shameless wedding business.

      • Nitsz,

        I sure will – for as long as I am visiting this site, I am going to be discouraged enough to keep her off this shameless wedding business.

        You can now say Mimi clone…

    • LOL @ ‘Mimi the original’
      Might I suggest you get an avatar so we can distinguish you from your namesake 🙂

    • Mimi Original…. Do not insist again.. the title is all yours, I am the Mimi clone (its now official)… and hey, i like the way you put it ‘hiring your daughter’… gosh!! you only remind me of my sins I did sometime ago.. I sure hired a number!!

  14. Excellent post. If you think it is bad in Kenya, try Uganda. I have been a silent advocate for banning the way we go about weddings in Uganda…I always thought that, if we were to fund-raise at all, it was better if we were fundraising for the couple’s home or a plot of land for them…that would be a fitting send-off, and you knew that when your turn comes, you would also get something permanent that secures your future, not food and alcohol and a honeymoon. I agree with Kelli, I too will fund my own wedding, if ever, what with all these divorces. Weddings are way too extravagant and they do not even last these days.

    Thanks for the post…I need to send the link around, if you do not mind…

  15. Committees and Goat eating aka fundraisers amke me mad. I shamelessly ignore and continue to claim ignorance. I will find my own wedding so no need o return the favor.

  16. Walalalalalaa! You have no idea how excited I was at this article! I’m sooo putting it up on facebook! I’m sure A LOT of people will not be happy with me, given that they twisted my arm to be in their stupid committees, but I’ll post it all the same! I mean, WTF?!?! Its just plain bad manners! I’m sure a lot of people have horror stories about wedding committees, God knows I have a fair share of my own! One of them was when I was at a pal’s wedding commitee, and towards the end, one of the chicks in the committee said her wedding is coming up soon and could we join her committee? Bear in mind I had never met this chick before the committee “meetings”, didnt even know her goddamn last name! Anyhow, so she proceeds to take all our contacts (we’d given them out, those of us who were giving out our cars for the “big day”), and started bombarding us, or me at least, with texts asking for cash! God I HATE wedding committees! When I’m ready to have a wedding, I will save up for it thank you very much, or live in sin! But I’ll be damned if I go begging and borrowing people for cash!!!! Jesus, dont people have ANY pride at all!??! I could go on………….

  17. Beee…… ouch!! hold on and take a deep breath.. its not that bad and so be a little kinder even when u r demonizing the whole thing… i dont see why you should criticize wedding committees with such seriousness, for crying out loud, do assist them brothers and sisters who want to have it great on their big day, its not about repaying later when you will be having yours.. its just a dream that has to be fulfilled and the end should justify the means. If you dont want any assistance, its fine, thats luck on those who had assisted you.

    nittzsah.. u really are up in arms….

    • Sorry Mimi.., Bee and I hold a very very strong opinion on this one.

      Seriously.., see YOU have a dream, that’s cool. I have one too, albeit a bit reasonable than yours. Struggle at fulfilling yours while I struggle to sort out mine. We’ll be cool.

    • Thank God someone thinks the wedding fundraisers are wrong. How come everyone I know is OK with them, I am usually alone when trying to tell my friends its wrong to spend all your savings on one day on such a trivial thing worse yet if you have to beg for it. Even the michango for kids to study for parallel degrees are uncalled for, these are not emergencies, its not like you just realized you have to marry in a day and your life depends on it!! I loved John Githongo’s wedding, no fancy stuff, just went to church and tmade their vows and went home, period, thats how it should be

  18. Nittz, you are too spot on its not funny. I simply do not avail myself for wedding committees, and have only contributed to two weddings; albeit reluctantly. My in-law wanted a wedding, but only had 35k, and we were expected to partially fund this thing. How pissed was I? People just simply have bad manners! When my wedding came up I went to the AGs (another in-law deigned to die on us a couple of months before the wedding so funds were re-channeled). Did not even offer my bridal party lunch, and they were very sweet. The AG’s and Okoa wa-harusi it shall be. I have a friend at Barclays will sell the idea to her. A plan. I am really jazzed!

  19. O.k, I guess I COULD be a little less harsh. My point is, its just bad manners, especially when asking total strangers for cash. (case in point the chick in the committee), and sending texts like “This is a polite reminder that the deadline for paying the committee cash is in a week’s time….bla bla”. And what’s with asking committee members to committ to a specific amount? What ever happened to giving what you have? Jeez! Fair enough, people might need help when planning weddings, financial help even (though I’d die before asking anyone to finance my wedding, which is coming up next year), but to make it look like a debt is just plain wrong! When two people plan to get married, you set an engagement date, and start saving towards it. It does not have to be expensive. I think there’s just too much social pressure for guys to have all these elaborate weddings, but at what cost? Some opt for loans, and 5 years into your married life you’re still grappling with loans. Others go the begging way, o.k, fine, committee way, and end up pissing people off, even if they dont have the balls to tell you to your face, a skill Kenyans have perfected! They will talk behind your back instead! Anyhow, enough ranting. I do wish though that people would learn to finance their own weddings, or at least go to their closest of friends for assistance, and not this very annoying habit of going through the phonebook and sending a “text to all/many”, never mind the fact that the last time you talked to this person was way back in Campus! 5 years later they come asking you to be in their committee! If that is not bad manners, I dont know what is. Like I said, I could go on……

  20. *sorry, meant “pledge” and not “committee cash. and also meant “you set a wedding date, and not an engagement date”…

  21. waaa my sentiments exact..albeit Nittzah has delivered them a bit painfully.
    A pal, i hadnt seen for so looong invited me to contribute for his wedding, i was pushed to a great extent..but that wasnt too bad as i dint even get an invite to the wedding..maybe i hadnt contributed enough to get me in…ha ha!

    • Jnr,

      Those relatives of mine I mentioned above.., well, it’s custom for the couple to select the bridal party from their close friends (aka committee) right? Well, these two did it different. They announced in one of the committee meetings:

      “If you can afford the dress, or the suit, then you can be a brides maid or groomsman. If you can’t too bad!”

      I gladly replied.., “too bad!!” 😉

  22. If I fund your wedding, then I have a right to sleep with your spouse, after all, i helped you marry them. Plain and simple! I have a friend who had a choma wedding thing. The people who fund raised did not get invites to said wedding! Needless to say, a lot of curses were said and chap died on first anniversary. In summary, pay for your bloody wedding!

    • Gosh!!!!! where are you all coming from??? am seriously looking for someone who think its cool to help others finance their ‘stupid weddings, did u say???…

      You all are coming from the same pot!! haha…does it mean that none of you has ever asked for wedding financing?? thought about it or even is contemplating doing it albeit in silence??

      Some norms are ‘bad’ but they seem to go on and on and are kinda accepted…. come on!!! I say, pls come on board and refuse to ‘kill’ this tradition that nitzz is so much against…

      Nitzzz… pole pole…

      Atieno..lol!

  23. Yesss!! Finally someone who tells it like it is… I read somewhere that a camel is “a horse designed by a wedding committee” – you get what THEY want, coz THEY’RE PAYING FOR IT anyway! We planned our wedding for over a year, didn’t ask anyone for a cent! It’s possible, I’m proof of that. Bee, I soo feel you!!

  24. This is just SO well written, my goodness. And it’s true. What’s wrong with a primary school field and tea? Save the money for a mortgage, idiots :-/

  25. Wedding Commitees (all committees for that matter) have acquired a nasty reputation in Kenya. I believe in being straight forward if you want me to give you money ask for it, if I have i will give, don’t cloak it in sweet terms aka being invited to the privelege of sitting on a committee or goat eating etc.
    Fortunately by consensus those fund raising cards are banned in our office, more workplaces should follow suit.

  26. My fiance and I have been laughing hysterically through all these comments! Totally spot on. We are having a wedding of only 40 coz we just couldn’t deal with the crap of begging for cash! The last committee I was on stressed the living daylights out of me. There was a deficit of nearly 500k and one of the guys stood up and started counting people so that we could divide the sum!!!! Ati!!!!???? Besides that, I just don’t understand how we have to help you make every little decision. For goodness sake, we all have different likes/opinions! This just leads to hours of arguments over stupid colors etc!!! If you can’t make these simple decisions, I don’t understand how you are getting married in the first place!!!

    • The bride-to-be called me up a week to the wedding, sounded hysterical and nearly suicidal. At first I thought she had discovered that her husband-to-be (my brother by the way) had a love child or two out there (what? TIA).

      But then she calmed down told me that she was stressed out because she couldn’t find copper-goldish brown shoes for her maids. Ati!!!??? In this Nairobi? Where new fashion stalls open at a faster rate than the BP oil spill in the gulf of Mexico?!!!

      I told her to get off my phone, text all her maids and tell them that if they couldn’t find shoes on their own then they might as well show up for the wedding barefoot!

  27. Going through all these comments leave me wondering where these pathetic beggars are! Is there a case of non-admittance to having being the victims in the past? All is evident here is a clan of good guys but the cards are still streaming in!

  28. In most African culture, a man was ready to marry if he had accumulated enough dowry (cows/goats/honey…), if you didn’t have dowry “no marrying” simple. waache kusumbua watu… if i stop being your friend cause i didn’t contribute for your marriage, better.

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  31. people who we aint even pals with asking me to pledge a chunk of my hard earned moola to their retarded union just drives me bonkers!!!!its cheaper to ‘come we stay’ as a simple trial and if all goes well, blow your savings on material,flowers and cake (coz really that is all a wedding ceremony is anyways!)…..deuces!
    P.S:That wedding invite is kick-ass! 😀

  32. This is why I’m eloping. I can’t even face the thought of a small “immediate family only” wedding. There would still be too many people. Besides, the two families haven’t even met each other yet. Well, apart from my mother and sister meeting Himself.

    Our plan is to elope, drop the family a quick email to let them know what’s up, and then blow the money that we would have spent on a wedding on a kick-ass honeymoon instead. If anyone wants to throw us a party when we get back, fine, but they can do that on their own dime.

    The one I feel most sorry for is my saintly godmother, who has FIVE sons, three of whom still need to be married off.

  33. You can’t have expressed it better. Some guys you last saw them five years ago in colle & they demand that u foot their weddings. The moment u mpesa them the money u never hear from them again, not even a simple thank you. & then they go ahead & divorce after 3 years . They should give a full refund with interest.
    My husband & i had our marriage ceremony at the AG’s affice coz we dont believe in begging for wedding parties & we r enjoying our marriage with no regrets. Please those plannng weddings out there, pls dont bother us . ITS YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!!!

  34. exactly right. worse is when they decide to go something like…the wedding committee members have decided that each member shall contribute x shillings (with x representing a figure of not less than 10,000 bob). Now issue is who decided? Rip off thoroughly.

  35. I think people overlook the AG option. If you want a KShs 1.5m wedding and you only have say KShs 200k, just pass by the AG’s and go for your honeymoon!…

  36. As for those who dare to include their honey moon costs into the budget! WTH!
    At least try and finance that yourselves! I hate wedding commitees!!!!!hate them!!! hate them!!!!!! Shiet!You have a budget of 600k and you only have 100k have you lost your goddamn mind! Then there are those who have such budgets and then go ahead and travel to two exotic international locations for their honeymoon! Yaani hata the committee can’t afford to go there.
    Then those who stop talking to you immediately after the wedding, ati now single friends are in another social class that they don’t interact with!!!
    And after all this, not even a thank you!!! I just hate them!!!
    And then I have to buy a dress for bloody 10k not including the committee contribution so that I can be on your line up! what!!Hate them!!!

  37. Hahahaha right on Nittzsah,the part i never understand is the pledging part,why would you plan other people’s hard earned mullar on how to spend it on your own wedding!!Had my wedding like 5years ago,used savings and got a small loan.1 week before the wedding my few close friends and colleagues decided to choma mbuzi for us guyz,since i didn’t even have a committee,so they wanted to know how everything will go and the arrangement since hubby was coming from abroad.
    So i had told one of my close cousin that will be having choma on that certain weekend,she didn’t show up….later she told me since it was her birthday,the boyfy decided to take her out of town and bla bla,but she showed up time ya wedding,after 6months she was planning her wedding,usitake ona how they had planned people to contribute in their wedding!!!mind you they r both big time people working in banks………i told one my cousin uongo mbaya hata 50bob sitoi,yani they wanted everything to be given to them for free……

    • Actually, MOST TIMES, guys don’t have money, and that also applies for the guys on the committee. Thing is, a wedding is not a priority in life. It can wait. Now burying someone – that’s a priority. Coz we don’t want your body taking the much needed, limited space in our few mortuaries. I’d fund a funeral before funding a wedding.

  38. oh you r so rite. I would not have put it better. My friend had the most elegant wedding in the history of anyone I know even 3 million kshs weddings… Very simple, within budget bt coz she has style n class, it surpassed all others B4. Am waiting to see how many of her ideas will be replayed. Those why try better have her sense of style. Lol

  39. My wedding lasted like 30 minutes in a place away from home, two friends and a glass of champagne at the parking lot and a drive back home, where my hubby´s relas and friends had organised a small congratulations party. Am now married for 8 yrs with a 5 yr old daughter and am so greatful for my simple wedding. Ofcourse like every other girl I dream of a white wedding so flowery like they are today but couz I can´t afford it am gonna wait a long time couz I have other priorities in life to finance than a wedding to be talked abt and more am ready to beg and ruin pples accounts to finance my own day. Some couples don´t even know what they gonna eat after the wedding couz the accounts are so exshausted with wedding loans emptying them immediately it the salary enters the account just because they want people pointing at them as the best wedding host and saying it was such an expensive day. so pple just style up its your day and nobody else´s so see how you gonna finance it and if you ain´t ready take your time and save up or run to the attorney´s office and do it with the closest friends. More some churches esp the Catholic Church s.times do like mass wedding so if you feel you have to do it infront of God and have the congregation as witnesses why not opt for it (mass wedding) you will be lucky to have a free choir with church dancers and at the end of the day have your finances set for other things in life and you would have not exhausted peoples (committee members) accounts financing your day. Its your day and nobody else´s so do it your way and leave others out of it. It you to be happy and no one els. Lovely article really hope many read it and get a clear mind abt weddings

  40. Well said. I am grateful to have landed on this wonderful site courtesy of a gracious friend. It is about time we overthrew this monstrous regime which is really a naked commercialization of noble traditional institutions. In the 21st century intending couples need to jipanga. Last year we were invited to these chaps “birthday party” which also turned out to be a fundraiser……….

  41. Wonderful article. Spot on! I once attended two such committees simultaneously. For one committee, I kid you not, the cake budget amount was the entire wedding budget for the other.
    The reason why in the car market you can buy a 30 year old vw beetle for 50k in installments or a brand new BMW x6 for 11m like Maina Kageni is that people are different and have different financial abilities. Live within your means and if you cannot, go to Equity, Barclays etc. Not to me!

  42. Funny, this article is a year older but still so relevant. I wanted a small do, AG’s then we ‘funga’ a Kenchic and have lunch, but that was not going down well. We ended up with a tuesday (civil) wedding with 70 pax and not so badly off. The relas who were not invited still b**ch about it 4 years later but hey, I’m not the one’s who’s stomach has the bile.

    Seriously though, I’d spend more cash on an anniversary bash (5/10/25 years) than on the wedding day. Boys, if your girl is one of those who pushes for the fairy-tale weddings and you’re still in an Sq in Buruu, better ask yourself whether she’s the right one. Ongoja, hawataisha – roho safi. Work with your savings, as @RookieKe says.

    Good read @Diasporadical.

  43. You guys havent even heard of it. A not so close pal of mine invited me to fund-raise to fix a vehicle he drove into a tree. Mind you the moti wasn’t his, it was only “one week old” from the container it came from. Peculiar habits we Kenyans have……………………….

  44. Hey Nittz, i think you need to reconcile with the fact that people are different. I can see you indicate you are not wife material. Leave people alone to do what they want as long as you dont contirbute.Bitterness about people ‘s lifestyles will only make you a miserable person…..move on with life and let people be….wakitoa pesa za harusi shauri yao! oh and I THINK you disrespect women , from the card you have done and your story generally you potray woomen as the cause for misery in weddings…….very silly i must say…there are many men marrying Doctor- Wifes and there are many successful marriages you only talk of misery in marriages ….SAD SAD SAD…for you!

  45. LOLEST…This right here is #truth…I’m in my last year of college so thankfully I haven’t had to deal with this wedding committee vibe…yet… But from all the rants I’ve heard about it and my own two cents…anyone with any remote plans of bestowing upon me the responsibility of making their wedding perfect is in for a rude shock…I love my friends and family but NIMEKATAA KUTUMIWA VIBAYA…

  46. Thanks (all the) Teens, for pointing out your perceived inadequacies in my life. I just need to clarify certain things though:-

    1. I wish I could make a card that creative but sadly I bear no card making skills. Hence, and you’ll notice from my other posts, I tend to use images from the net. Google has them all. I hope that dispels your accusations to the effect that I disrespect women. I’m one of them anyway, and I love myself enough to be a feminist.
    2. I don’t believe by writing a blog-post, I stop anyone from living their lives. If you can’t move on with your life because of a vague post that mentions no names, then I pride myself in having such a significant impact in your life. I really hope some Advertising Agency is reading this. (“This is where it’s at!”)
    3. Something you should know about my kind of blogging – I observe stuff, make an opinion about what I see and share my opinion with the world. If it comes out like I’m bitter, funny, sarcastic, then that depends on the reader. Your attitude is what counts. Not mine. If the content is not palatable, do not feed of it. That’s why some people are lactose intolerant. Milk will never change.
    4. Doctor-wives are like mama-mboga wives. Nothing different between them. They are wives, they’ll both have babies, etc etc. You and the maker of that card should realize that.
    5. Since, as you say, I talk about misery in marriage, perhaps you should start a blog on “successful marriages” (how do you define that, by the way? What constitutes a successful marriage? Are there certain minimum indicative factors?)
    6. Finally, I recommend a dose of not-so-obvious humour once in a while. It’s good for the heart. Keeps bitterness away 🙂

  47. This is interesting read, Nittzsah you got maaad writing skills, i could have sworn you took a trip inside my head and wrote everything i’ve ever thought in regard to wedding committees.

    Definitely made my day, cheers!

  48. Dhumbz up!! (stressed for effect)
    Yaani I thought I was alone. I have never, shall never, will never finance “raha”. I don’t recall learning that “weddings” was one of man’s basic needs. If you love each other so much you want to share with the world hebu share away from my pocket! I used to date a karich bloke and all the mamaz around him always told him I was Queen B for hoarding him when they came around calling for “committee”. And the key was to make him “chairman”. Ati they have deficit, so they saw to pangia ‘our’ mshahara to fix it! I have been unfriended, uninvited for weddings, you name it it’s been done..all in the name of I was a no-show for committee meetings or bluntly said “if you don’t have, aki AG it coz hapa, hamna”. Thumbs up tena! This was as hilarious as it was gratifying to know someone feels like I do, out there.

  49. I generally don’t like being a bridesmaid because most bridesmaids spend a fortune on an ugly dress that they would never wear again!!!

    My lovely friend Alice got married last year, I loved being her bridesmaid because the outfit cost Sh 1,50 (wow) and it’s an outfit I wear to church now, it’s not one of those hideous satin things.

    My worst experience in a wedding committee was for a pal who wanted the committee to raise money for contact lenses coz at she didn’t want to get married in spectacles.

    It’s been four years since the wedding and we still laugh about it! So ridicuous.

    My wedding is coming up in August and it will be a SIMPLE do!

  50. Since its females who love weddings, then they should come up with the money on their own. Most men couldn’t care less got weddings and they only do it to avoid bitchering

  51. You really really have me rolling on the floor laughing. Now I wish someone would say that to people who beg for their weddings…..to their face! Don’t plan for what you can’t afford! That’s the bottom line

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  54. I couldnt have put it any better. Watu wajipange, nothing like getting your fix from my hard earned savings. And maybe its time the wedding shows run feature on weddings held at the AG’s.

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  56. I think this is true. Imagine watu wanastruggle kuishi beyond their means after the wedding after spending a milestone of an amount financing a wedding. This blog needs to be sambazwad to many people especially young men wenye wanastruggle kuishi yet, they want a grand wedding na unaishi kwa SQ.

    Keep It Short and Simple. SAVE ama Uende kwa AG.

    Unafanya harusdi na hujamaliza kulipa mahari????Ala!!!

  57. I wish this would be broadcasted every now and then .. have bill boards…. I could care less how….. you never realize how inconveniencing and troublesome this is till you are involved in one…you are ripped off…. your time is taken for granted and worse is that, they dont seem to appreciate your sacrifices and takes it to be their right…and the majority of the worst are the SAVED… yes, quote me…the SAVED…mhh…my colleague is just about to *marry*… they have lived together for as long as I have known him….now the official mails are always full of reminders of.. pls dont forget to come for my pre-wedding…….

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  61. dude/dudette great piece!!!…you have summed up the inner rumblings that are always going through me but are too politically incorrect for me to express out in public….

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  63. This is great! I got married 2 years ago in a “Big African Wedding” to please our parents. It was expensive but our parents helped out and we paid for most of it frm our savings. What I found interesting was the fact that most of our relatives were really pissed off cz we said no to having a committee…..they said ni maringo ya ulaya, lol! It is such a bad habit to expect people to pay for luxuries u can do without. I know of a couple who are getting married in a few weeks…they are both jobless and guess what, the wedding is at the Windsor!!!! Yes, everyone else is paying for it, what nonsense!!!

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  65. puahahahah! nimecheka yangu yote!!! these long lost ‘friends’ who scroll through their phone books and send that random SMS calling you ‘friend’ and inviting you to their ruracio, Wedding, pre wedding etc have it all wrong on probability maths.Simply save enough cash for the wedding you can afford.Don’t burden people with your 1 day illusionary fantasies.Period.

  66. I was on one such committee where each member had to contribute 10k…we were 38!!! To add salt to injury the bridal party was drawn from the same committee and we had to pay for our STUPID “imported” dresses and shoes which was another 15k . The bride-to-be then had the “foresight” to hire a make-up artist who set us back another 5k!!! I last spoke to her at the evening party that was sponsored by her uncle…that was 4 years ago.

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