STOP ACTING RETARDED Part 1: Social Media & Communication

I’m a relatively peaceful guy, I swear I am. But there are few things in this world that I just flat out will not tolerate any adult doing in my presence or in my general direction. Things that invoke the wrath of the Krakken from the depths of my spirit’s Hell. For example.

U shld nt snd me txt/sms Tht lukz lk ths f ur nt 15 yrs old,or srsly RETARDED! kthxbai

Especially if it’s business/work related.

Jesus Christ, what did vowels ever do to you? Was grammar your childhood nemesis? Or is this just another failed attempt at rekindling your youth?

I understand the need for brevity in familiar contexts, but let me give you 2 real life examples I had to deal with for a contract recently dished out.

Exhibit A: “Hihow u,m fyn.wen cn we meat?”

Exhibit B: “Kindly call back.”

To be 100% clear, I know both of them in a familiar and formal capacity.

First off, the correctly written one is shorter anyway and secondly….WHAT?!? Give me half a reason to take you seriously, dude.

Oh, and ladies, it’s not cute.
Really. It’s not.
No buts.
It’s not.

At least when we’re talking business have some sense to say something intelligible. Your SMS’s have to stop reading like Illuminati scribblings, geek leet or childish Pig Latin and start looking like something discernibly comprehensible if you intend on being treated like an adult.

Not. Cute.

Likewise, let’s be very clear: EVERYBODY is on Facebook. I know some clown in the back of the room is raising his hand with a high-pitched “I’m not on Facebook”. Listen Clown, I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to the 2 billion other people here who’ve signed up to this Social Media Megaladon, so you just crawl back into your little cave.

Now, the rest of you Facebookers, remember that what you put out there is visible to everyone. Ergo, your information is not private. Convince yourself all you want that your friends are “your friends” but at the end of the day, if your boss is literate and your status message reads “I wz wtchn muviz on my laptp allday, lulz,kthxbai!yay!” don’t be surprised when you get fired.

On that note, somebody give me one logical reason why, while at a computer, with a full keyboard at your fingertips, you would still type gibberish like this:


Now, I get using IM abbreviations; “u” instead of “you” and occasionally “2” instead of “to”. Heck, I’m not even opposed to “Thx” on occasion and I’m a huge fan of “K” instead of “Okay.” That said, “Dax” is not “Thanks”. “Thax” is not “Thanks”. “Dnx” is not “Thanks”. Whatever illogical contortion you think looks cool, is not THANKS! “Lukz”, “gud”, “whea”, and others also kinda tick me off because they are flat out phonetically incorrect.

But you know the worst? The absolute WORST!!!!…”Like”

….I say prayers every night. I swear I do.

14 thoughts on “STOP ACTING RETARDED Part 1: Social Media & Communication

  1. this is so on point! I don’t even pretend to understand what the kids are typing out these days. I wonder how they write English Compositions.

  2. Too right!! I’m seriously thinking of emailing this to every grammar-retard I know (they are several). Those ones who type ‘sari’ to mean ‘sorry’; or ‘ma’ to mean ‘my’. Why, God, why??!

    As we speak there is a facebook friend of mine – it’s his birthday – and he is replying every wallpost with a ‘tx u’ to mean ‘thank u’. Aargh! [paroxysms of disgust]

  3. You nailed it! I can’t stop laughing 🙂 What a great selection of the most absurd yet most common “glitches” in the minds of today’s communicators.

  4. You have hit the nail right on the head! I won’t even begin to say how I get disgusted by such people! No offence but I don’t regard such people highly. I don’t care how learned someone is or how ‘cool’ it is to write ‘luv’ ‘thea’ ‘hw abt’ etc, a 5 year old kid would most likely earn my respect.
    It’s worse when a grown ass person writes like that!

  5. Hahaha….paroxyms of lafter….LOL sori cudnt resist…yes…am one of them retards!
    I have died laughing and passed the link on to my pals who keep getting mad at me for me shrthnd txts….LOL
    nwez folks relax!
    we r having a gr8 tym hia!
    dont hate..seriously it just flows….

  6. Pingback: Tattoos in Kenya « Diasporadical

  7. have u been exposed to the kenya ‘warrrrr’ meaning what or ‘missingz’ meaning ‘missings’ which is used used with ‘mad’ i dnt know to what effect I HATE ‘LOL’ or NKT or mschew…. man sometimes facebook has done more harm to our society than good

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