Why My Daughters Will Never Go To Boarding School

Today, I decided to walk to town because it’s healthier (i.e. no money for petrol) and somehow ended up having a conversation with statutory rapists after being hit on by a school girl.

I will not be naughty schoolgirl

OK, so this is what happened. I was walking through one of those areas with a lot of boarding schools in it when I noticed a taxi that was essentially parked in the middle of the road. As I walked towards it – because there was really no place else to go -, an elderly gentleman hopped out and raised his hand as he marched in my direction.

Now, I have no qualms with kicking old ass – quite the contrary in fact, I just need to be provoked. In my mind, an old guy running towards me with a raised arm is just enough cause to draw out the fisticuffs. But alas, he came in peace speaking in the most proper English, correct register and British accent to match.

“Young man, could you kindly direct me to {beep} School. My daughter is unwell and I’ve come to take her home.”

I pointed at the school in the distance and he still seemed confused and somehow convinced me to tag along because they had apparently failed to find the entrance after extensive searching. I sized up the cab guy and, deciding that I could kick both their asses, I hopped in and directed him to the school. Now, this is where the drama began.

The cab driver disappeared as I accompanied the old man into the school – although he knew full well he was supposed to be dropping me off in Town. I didn’t find this out for a while however because I was lost in the school’s hallways. It was here that I met {bleep}.

School Girl Apple

I explained that I needed to get out of the school and she told me to follow her and through some weird maze system led me to what looked like the dorms at the back of the school.

Me: This isn’t the way out.
Her: No. This is way more fun.

I didn’t hesitate to turn around and start walking around the building as she screamed her phone number at me.

When I finally got to the front, I asked the guards where the cab guy went. They responded with lewd taunting and joking – asking which girl I had gone to see, while pointing at the dorms. I told them none, I was just helping out an old man and that I was now trying to leave but I don’t think they were listening. At this point, they were pointing at another group of teenish girls standing somewhere in the field, rating them by ‘Skill level’.

“That big one is a little heavy, but she knows how to use her mouth.”
“Eh? That one next to her won’t do anything, she just likes kissing.”
“That last one is expensive.”
“Yeah! I know…”

And so on, and so forth. They got so into it that I walked myself out the school and they didn’t notice.

I’ve tried many times to justify why, if I have a daughter, insh’Allah, she would never go to a boarding school. Normally, I like to argue that she would need to be close to home in order to develop the necessary bonds with both her parents because it’s very easy to go astray these days.

But alas, with all the horror stories I hear of forced lesbianism and abusive teachers: rape here, battery there, drugs elsewhere, alcohol everywhere, so on and so forth; I sometimes wonder why anyone in their right minds would do that. I mean, granted, not having your kids at home means you get a much needed break to focus on some potentially important tasks.

At the same time, not having your kids at home essentially means not having your kids, period. It’s a gamble out there and letting them into any of these institutions, regardless of reputation, seems more and more like throwing dice into a snake pit. Even if you get the numbers you need, you still have to reach in there and get the dice out.

Which begs the question: is it really worth it?

Sexy Schoolgirl

*Out of fear of receiving more threatening emails respect for the School and it’s Staff and Students, all names have been bleeped.*

12 thoughts on “Why My Daughters Will Never Go To Boarding School

  1. “Out of fear of receiving *more* threatening emails…”
    You’ve received threatening emails from schools already and this happened today?

    • Nah. I got emails from …other people who shall remain unnamed. One of the emailers turned out to be really cool. We ended up having a decent back and forth. But the rest of them have mostly been complete jackasses.

  2. I’m with you. My children are not going to boarding school. Back in the day, boarding school made sense because the world wasn’t as perverted as it is now. I want to watch my kids get spoiled and take responsibility for it.

    Taking a child to boarding school means 9 out of 12 months, your child is parented by someone else who has at least 20 other children.

  3. This story is all cooked up. How can you find your way around the hallways when directing the old man but fail to find your way back if you are not a jack ass or a sack of potatoes??

    If it smells fake, its probably coz its fake fo!!

    • Hehe. Try this on for size:

      We walked in through the main the door. The askaris told us to go to some staff room. We went there, they sent us to an infirmary. The nurse told us the girl was sleeping in another room round the corner, so we went. We got there and I left the old man alone, but instead of walking back to the infirmary and then the staff room and then to the front door, I figured I’d cut accross and go down the stairs next to the room we ended up at….yada yada yada… I ended up at some weird corner of the building. Etc etc.Yes, I’m bad with directions in buildings I’ve never been to. I was unaware this was a cardinal sin.

      As for being a Jack ass or a sack of potatoes: dear God, man. I barely even know you. Let’s start at “idiot” or “liar”. Besides, I skip details because they’re irrelevant. And unlike jackasses and potato sacks, i have other things to do besides canvassing irrelevant details for nitpicky name callers on a weekday morning.

  4. Well, in the event I have kids, I’m taking them to boarding once they finish primary…Its important to start acclimatizing kids *especially Kenyan kids* to the harshness of the world, and to achieve some sort of independence early in life. Were it not for the extremely harsh lifestyle I encountered in high school i doubt if I’d be able to shrug off some of the challenges I face today. Its laughable how gullible and easy manipulated some of these home school types are when they are left out in the wilderness that is university…

    Another thing, reading *the Kenyan syllabus* at home? hehehehe, chances of good grades hang on very shifty balances for home schoolers… Maybe until they clean up the entire mentality of the education system.


    • Its important to start acclimatizing kids *especially Kenyan kids* to the harshness of the world, and to achieve some sort of independence early in life.


      Agreed. I’d take boys to boarding at secondary level. But girls? Never.

    • I find it interesting when I hear parents say they want their kids to “acclimatize to the harshness of the world.” So you find kids who have grown up in urban areas forced to go to schools where they eat food infested with weevils, have to fetch water from rivers, sleep in congested dormitories, and basically live in very unsanitary conditions. Add to that the menace of abusive fellow students and teachers.

      But the question is: what life are you preparing your child for? Do you expect your child to live like that when he/she grows up? All parents want their children to grow up into successful people. Doesn’t it make sense then to prepare your children for the prosperous and successful life they will have by putting them in an environment that prepares them for it?

      It will take a long time to change Kenyans’ mindset about boarding schools. As for me, I am certainly not taking any of my children to boarding. I was there. And I know what its like.

  5. I remember after primary school all I wanted was to go to a certain boarding school! But my parents refused. When it was my sister’s turn they couldn’t get her out fast enough. One teen girl was traumatizing enough! hehe..

    I think boarding would have worked for me, but I can’t imagine in today’s environment sending my child especially a girl out there. There’s just too many outside factors influencing kids and parents need to keep a keen eye..

  6. Pingback: Boarding school? Oh hell no! « Diasporadical

  7. Agree with the author, but for boys also, not just girls…. i feel it is terribly sad that many parents think their children don’t need and cherish the daily companionship, love and time they spend with their parents or that a harsh environment will prepare them for the world.. In fact, it does not make them any better prepared than those whose parents were able to find room in their hearts and homes when they were young. And exactly how much and how often do you hope for harsh treatment for your children? Very twisted views of bringing up children.

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