It seems the politicians have taken taken the “No Snitchin'” policy a tad too far on this Al-Bashir matter. “DENY TILL YOU DIE!” seems to be the order of the day. They didn’t see nothing, they don’t know nothing, they didn’t do nothing. Even though they know his phone number and hang out with him during the internationally televised Promulgation ceremonies. Their excuse? They didn’t even know he was there. Riiiiiiight.
So while they are pleading the fifth, we’ve come up with a list of 5 other parties Omar Al-Bashir should crash while he’s on his silent world tour.
5. The BET Hip-Hop Awards (October 2010) Atlanta, GA
What, you ain’t know? Your boy Notorious Om-Bash-Bash is an O.G. Hip-Hop fan. His debut album hasn’t dropped yet though because the ICC be cock-blockin’, yo. But I’m pretty sure if dude showed up at the Hip-Hop Awards he could teach those kids a thing or two about what it really means to be a gangsta and murder & rob recklessly while still being a boss and keeping out of jail. Fun fact, his iPod only has one playlist with two songs in it: first is Twista’s “Kill ’em all” and next is MC Hammer’s “Can’t Touch Me.” No explanation as of yet why this is.
4. New Years Eve Celebrations 2011 (December 31st 2010) New York, USA
Why? Because Omar was actually born on New Year’s day. No joke. So this is quite possibly the biggest birthday bash he can possibly have. Plus, with so many people moving into NY, he can easily sneak in. But being Om-Bash-Bash, he probably gets V.I.P. passes next to Jay-Z’s booth.
3. Osama Bin Laden’s 54th Birthday Party (March 2011) Grand Canyon, Arizona
I’m convinced Osama is hiding in the Grand Canyon. He occasionally comes up for food and ironically buys lottery tickets; if he wins, he’ll turn himself in. But the odds seem to be against him. But on his birthday, he not only wins, he wins big. If you’re walking by the canyons in March and see clouds of
opium shisha smoke and hear a distant bumping bass-line to the 2010 Om-Bash-Bash remix to “Can’t touch me”, you are welcome to join the party.
2. Ninja Annual Assembly [*location & date omitted*]
This is obviously where he practiced vanishing and reappearing without a trace. His ninja friends will laud his evil deeds. He’ll probably show up with Osama and they’ll perform another single off his now platinum selling hit record. They’ll leave after the party and head back stateside for the one thing thing Bashir celebrates every year.
1. Independence Day (July 4th 2011) Washington, DC, USA
Well, my bet is that he’ll still be celebrating his freedom a year from now because real crooks always get away. Plus he’s a ninja. And a rapper. And a celebrity party crasher. Nobody ever arrests any of those; genocidal dictator or not.