One of the beauties about Google Chrome is that you can have multiple tabs open.
In one of the other tabs, I’m chatting with 3 different lady friends of mine. One has genuine relationship qualms that need addressing, the other two…have issues. They are both single and have both met men. The men are all good. But they are not going to pursue them because they have managed to conjure a case scenario in which these men may not be good. And they wouldn’t be the first to do this, either.
At some point this morning, I strolled out of the office to get some coffee and some air (and by that I mean ‘to smoke’) and happened to find myself eavesdropping on some ladies talking rather loudly.
As it turned out, one girl – let’s call her G1 – was trying to reach her boyfriend and he wasn’t picking up the phone. So her two friends, G2 and G3, were helping her brainstorm as to all the possible places he could be.
G2 was clearly traumatized as a child as all her proposed scenarios seemed unnecessarily morbid and daunting. ‘Maybe he was in an accident. Maybe he got carjacked. Maybe he slipped and fell down an elevator shaft and survived the impact but his now broken rib impaled his lung and he can’t move because he would open the wound and bleed into his lungs and as a result drown…in his own blood.’ Well, not exactly, but I guarantee you she came up with scenarios that made even my twisted senses seem unwound.
G3, however, was vindictive. I mean, she must have been pranked by her folks as a kid or cheated on by every man, friend, and pet she ever had. ‘Maybe he’s avoiding you. Maybe he’s mad at you. Maybe he got together with his ex. Maybe he doesn’t love you anymore. Maybe he’s in a brothel with lecherous whores licking every inch of his treacherous body. Maybe he’s gay.’
Now when you put G2 and G3 together, scenarios get weirdly worrying: ‘Maybe he has a wife in a neighboring city who’s not only murderous but also aware that he has a girl on the side, so she put cyanide in his morning coffee after they sent their kids off to school.’
And poor G1 had to entertain all these possibilities while dealing with her own insecurities.
I decided to interject. ‘Maybe he’s not picking up the phone because it’s 6:30am and he’s sleeping. Like most people your age.’
True enough, like clockwork, her phone rang and a yawning man said he’d just woken up and seen her calls. He then proceeded to invite her over and she giggled and walked away giddily. G2 and G3 looked at me, angry, as though I had just take a long piss in their morning cereal.
What is the problem with admitting that sometimes dudes are innocent? By the way, this generalization isn’t restricted to ladies either; guys will hate on a dude too, just because. It’s kinda like how even black people find black people intimidating. Everyone thinks men are up to no good. Especially women.
It makes things very complicated for people in relationships when everything they say or do can and will be used against them in a court of love. You can’t buy her a gift because you’ll be covering something up. You can’t not buy her something cause you’re neglecting her. You can’t talk about other women because you may be cheating. You can’t not talk about other women because you may be cheating. You can’t pick up a phone call from an ex who’s now married with 10 kids because she’s an ex and that may mean something. And you can’t not pick up because she’s an ex and that may also mean something.
You can’t ever be late, be sick, or be absent because if you are, you’re up to something. But if you’re there all the time, you’re possessive…and up to something.
So you either end up with a slave robot of a man who’s silent at all times unless beckoned to speak; or no man at all.
And that’s IF there is a man to begin with.
In many cases, a good guy can’t get a girl if he tries. He has to come with a Certificate of Authenticity, a Warranty and several signatory stamps of approval. He’ll have to be introduced to said girl by her sister or someone as close to her as family. And it can’t just be an introduction. Her sister her to be a bride, and the introduction should take place during a wedding where this guy is not only the officiating parish priest, he’s also the only certified doctor/pilot in the building as well as the legal representative for the couple, who happens to own the manor the wedding is taking place in. In his time away from running around island shopping and creating world peace, he models and plays sports competitively and is also a chef and the Patron Saint for love.
And even then she’ll be introduced to dude and think ‘He’ll never have time for me.’
OK, maybe I’m exaggerating but I’m just making a simple point. Good men exist. And a lot of them are getting really tired of being good because that’s obviously not working. I mean, think about it. If you’re a well off, decent looking, bright chap who’s tried your luck at striking up a relationship with a good woman and gotten blocked off the bat because of some random ‘maybe’; what stops you from thinking ‘Well, I’m rich, smart and all this. Screw it, let me just be a bachelor playboy. Or a hermit. Or let me never entertain a girl like THAT again.’
And while saying ‘THAT’ he’s pointing at your insecure self.
Then you end up being one of these ladies – wondering why you can’t find a man.
Now, ladies, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t keep your guard up or have standards. I’m just saying that you should set your standards and stick to them. Because nobody – not even you – can be perfect.
But they can be good. And you’ll never find out if you never hear them out. And you’ll never keep them if you keep questioning them.
To quote the very wise Joseph Budden III: “You won’t appreciate your man till you lose him. And the worst thing you can do to an innocent man is accuse him.”