Are Open-Relationships The Solution?

I should win an award for orchestrating the most ad-hoc, haphazard survey to ever yield sensible results.

What happened was: 3 friends guys that I consider social butterflies and myself began assessing our married peers when a girl in the group said something to the effect of ‘all men who don’t cheat are already married.’ Much as those are our boys she was referring too, we disagreed. We developed a two parted theory and swore to test it. It states that:

    1. That all our boys who’d been married more than a year were cheating.
    2. They were still happy with their wives.

Now we set out to prove this ludicrous theory.

Before I get into the intrinsic details of our scientific experiment let me make one thing clear: I strongly believe that not all men are dogs; good ones exist. But I am also a freelance hater and given an opportunity to say something negative, I’ll be the loudest, most well-versed voice in the room. As are my comrades. So we didn’t actually expect to prove our theory, just to hold on to it long enough to keep the argument going.

But woe be those who forget that a lot of truth is said in jest. That very night, we happened to congregate in one of those low-key hangout/hideout drinking holes from our high-school days and guess who we found there without his wife? But he wasn’t alone: he had 2 randomly cute-ish broads at his table sucking on EABL bottled brews. We found ourselves joining their table by default and after about 2 minutes of awkward introductions, our 2nd and 3rd married friends returned from a toilet excursion with an additional lass in their company. We did the math: 3 guys + 3 girls = this was looking very suspect. And we didn’t bother to stay around too long and find out who went where at the end of the night – their behavior at the bar was telling enough.

Without getting into other long stories, in the next few months fate decided to rub this disheartening fact in our face several times as we uncovered affair after affair after affair. And it wasn’t just married guys; dudes in long term relationships, married women, girls in relationships and a surprising number of engaged youths. So it was that a few days ago while watching House, it dawned on me what the solution to all this is.

Gregory House

Yeah, open-relationships sound like complete bollocks in any traditional context but riddle me this, moral populus: if 80% of relationships are in one way or another brought down by lack of satisfaction/fulfillment, especially sexually, then why should everything else go to shams for that?

Put it this way: imagine a partner that fulfills you emotionally, provides sufficiently, parents excellently, socializes amazingly, loves your family, their family loves you, and everything is peachy: except the sex is whack. One of three things will happen: either you’ll get caught, get frustrated, or both. And that is how the cookie will crumble. But what if you could just step aside, get your fix and come back home? What if you could get that 5% elsewhere and still keep your 95%? I mean, you can’t get everything you need from one person. Nobody’s perfect – well, except me.

And since we all can’t date me, why not allow that vent? Isn’t it more important to bring back honesty into the household rather than build a home around dissatisfied pent-up aggression?

You tell me.

PS: I think Open-Relationships are morally oxymoronic and essentially BS: but the more I see Kenyans lying to each other, the more I think they’d be better off being real about it.

14 thoughts on “Are Open-Relationships The Solution?

  1. Good post, I think guys will hedge because ‘deny deny deny’ is part of their DNA.

    And does the blade cut both ways???

    Like the 95% theory makes sense, monogamy is for the birds.

  2. This is tantamount to agreeing with instant gratification in all spheres of life. What’s wrong with personal sanity? Thinking about the other person’s reaction?
    Open relationships are a load of BS! If you dont want to be in a relationship, dont be in one. 100 per cent!

  3. I think open relationships won’t work because sooner or later, emotions get involved, whether the emotion is guilt, pride, jealousy, or possession. And once feelings are involved, it’s all downhill.

    • Wish there was a like button for this.. That right there would be the biggest problem.. Men would love the idea of Open Relationships, but the thought of their wives sleeping with someone else would drive them crazy..

      I knew this guy who had 3 girlfriends (yes, he did all the relationship stuff with all of them)When one of them cheated the almost killed the other dude. And she was not even his favourite… But according to him “she was his and his alone!”

  4. Haha this is what ive been saying for months open relationships is the way to go…actually more like honesty is the way to go and a little selflessness. If you keep it real 100% of the time there should be no shidaz.
    Finding a man or woman who fulfills 95% of your needs is a miracle-considering only one person can have iCon tsk tsk. There are probably many people who could fix the 5% but not quite the rest. Its takes a lot to build a stable relationship and chances are both of you will meet attractive people down the line, someone who will give you a high for all of 5 seconds but when its over and done no one can be your 95% except your significant other and chances are you will not want them to be anything more than your 5% cos your smart haha. Jealousy n all that other stuff is only cute in prep-school.
    PS: Only applicable to reasonable people who understand what their needs are, keep it real with each other and are open to creative ways of fixing the loopholes. Subject to agreement by both parties. Restrictions do apply LMAO.

  5. Of course this is the way to go. My husband and I are married and will always be married but that doesn’t mean I own his penis. and he does not own any part of my female reproductive function. We are happily engaged with others and we are happily engaged with one another and our children… we’ve done several videos about it. Hope you can check my site. I tweeted this article… good luck! xoxo

  6. a good read……it reminds me of the pareto principle which easily applies to all areas of our lives inclluding relationships as in this case. The Rule:
    In our relationships, our partner is most likely only able to offer 80% of what we need. There are times when we will find someone who fills in the holes, offering the other 20%…and because it’s been missing for so long, you think you’ve finally found what you truly need. But be carefully taking risks of cheating, or leaving your 80%…because what you will be left with, is that 20%. Obviously this is no where near as fulfilling as being with someone who offers 80%

  7. Nice perspective but methinks open relationships are a bit like threesomes, inevitably all manner of issues arise ergo grief for most, even if the assumption is that you have both agreed to and are aware of it! Admittedly, like any other human endeavor, some (seem to) pull it off.

    I am of the school of thought that monogamy is best. One at a time please and not a scenario where one has to resort to fleet management. Make your bed and you must lie in it. Stick with it and deal with it.

    Presumably when you commit to someone, you have some idea of the ‘flaws’ that your partner possesses, the missing 5%. If you can’t deal with those, then simply don’t go there. Having your cake and eating it too is like those deals that are too good to be true.

    It seems we take greater care in our work or business relationships unlike our personal ones. Would you want to deal with people without integrity in your work or business? What about your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband?

    Either that or write ‘constitutions’ with suitable clauses that pertain to your circumstances instead of the marriage vows that people take and then quickly break, following that path of least resistance to so called satisfaction. Even where you both agree, one partner is sooner or later bound to feel shortchanged.

    Step back and look for a minute at the partners that you have. Don’t you ever think of what they have to put up with just to be with you? I think we need more integrity and simply rise above our baser instincts. Open relationships are a slo mo banana skin despite all the temptations out there.

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