I should win an award for orchestrating the most ad-hoc, haphazard survey to ever yield sensible results.
What happened was: 3
friends guys that I consider social butterflies and myself began assessing our married peers when a girl in the group said something to the effect of ‘all men who don’t cheat are already married.’ Much as those are our boys she was referring too, we disagreed. We developed a two parted theory and swore to test it. It states that:
1. That all our boys who’d been married more than a year were cheating.
2. They were still happy with their wives.
Now we set out to prove this ludicrous theory.
Before I get into the intrinsic details of our scientific experiment let me make one thing clear: I strongly believe that not all men are dogs; good ones exist. But I am also a freelance hater and given an opportunity to say something negative, I’ll be the loudest, most well-versed voice in the room. As are my comrades. So we didn’t actually expect to prove our theory, just to hold on to it long enough to keep the argument going.
But woe be those who forget that a lot of truth is said in jest. That very night, we happened to congregate in one of those low-key hangout/hideout drinking holes from our high-school days and guess who we found there without his wife? But he wasn’t alone: he had 2 randomly cute-ish broads at his table sucking on EABL bottled brews. We found ourselves joining their table by default and after about 2 minutes of awkward introductions, our 2nd and 3rd married friends returned from a toilet excursion with an additional lass in their company. We did the math: 3 guys + 3 girls = this was looking very suspect. And we didn’t bother to stay around too long and find out who went where at the end of the night – their behavior at the bar was telling enough.
Without getting into other long stories, in the next few months fate decided to rub this disheartening fact in our face several times as we uncovered affair after affair after affair. And it wasn’t just married guys; dudes in long term relationships, married women, girls in relationships and a surprising number of engaged youths. So it was that a few days ago while watching House, it dawned on me what the solution to all this is.
Yeah, open-relationships sound like complete bollocks in any traditional context but riddle me this, moral populus: if 80% of relationships are in one way or another brought down by lack of satisfaction/fulfillment, especially sexually, then why should everything else go to shams for that?
Put it this way: imagine a partner that fulfills you emotionally, provides sufficiently, parents excellently, socializes amazingly, loves your family, their family loves you, and everything is peachy: except the sex is whack. One of three things will happen: either you’ll get caught, get frustrated, or both. And that is how the cookie will crumble. But what if you could just step aside, get your fix and come back home? What if you could get that 5% elsewhere and still keep your 95%? I mean, you can’t get everything you need from one person. Nobody’s perfect – well, except me.
And since we all can’t date me, why not allow that vent? Isn’t it more important to bring back honesty into the household rather than build a home around dissatisfied pent-up aggression?
You tell me.
PS: I think Open-Relationships are morally oxymoronic and essentially BS: but the more I see Kenyans lying to each other, the more I think they’d be better off being real about it.