Of Societal Obligations

BY AKELLOVE

Weddings

With age comes wedding committees. Now there’s a valuable adage my mother forgot to tell me. This could prove to be problematic, seeing as I don’t particularly enjoy weddings. I mean, yeah, the dancing is cool, and maybe the groomsmen will be cute, but it’s just really tiring at the end of the day. Kinda like a funeral. Sorry. (In my defense, in the olden days, black was worn to weddings and white to funerals. There must have been a reason, right? One saying you poor sucker and the other you lucky bugger. Go figure.)

The reasons I don’t like weddings vary in their intensity and depth. I’ll try not to write a novel. First off – why get married? Half of the people who get married nowadays don’t know why they do it, and hence nothing changes after the fact. He still has his clandes, she’s still clubbing till 4 with the girls on Bendover Thursdays, so what’s the point? It appears to me that especially the concept of fidelity seems an alien one to Kenyans. Don’t get it twisted, though. Some still carry the torch. It’s burning bright. Gives the rest of y’all hope.

Second, the expense. Call me miserly if you will, but it simply baffles me. Why the heavens would I spend so much on a single day to impress a bunch of my mother’s friends? It defeats logic and cents- uh, sense. Go to the AG’s office. That’s what he’s there for. Avoidance of relatives. Or even better: a come-we-risk – erm, come-we-stay for 2 years (is it 2 years now?) and you’ll be legally recognized as a married couple. Easy-peasy. Pop a bottle at the digz.

As perhaps an appendix of (2), why would you spend so much money if you clearly can’t afford it? Oh, you claim you can? No. Having a harambee for your wedding means you can’t afford your wedding – but you and your friends, and your church members and chama-buddies and distant relatives can. Just saying.

Have I already mentioned unwanted relatives? Ok, I’m doing it again. Aunties and uncles who ALL changed your diapers are in attendance to remind you over…and over…and over again. I’m beginning to think it’s something people just say, like ‘I was always number 1 in class!’

Now I get personal. Ok, I lie, it was personal before. I’m a bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding. I’m being a bit ridiculous about it, because I’m not exactly a wedding enthusiast. I’m forced acquaintances with him, by virtue of our shared ancestries. I didn’t know the bride’s name until the first wedding committee meeting (the first one I attended, anyway) and I haven’t attended another one since. To be fair, there are so many other things I’d rather be doing on a Sunday afternoon. Like…Chess Sunday. Or Open Mic. Neighbors Omnibus. Meditation. Reminiscing over my lecture notes. Crafting my 10-year financial plan. That sort of urgent and awfully important thing.

Anyhue, the point is…I think they’re going to make me don make-up and heels. There’s nothing that makes my skin crawl like that combination. (There probably is, but exaggeration is an art I like to employ in my writing) I wonder if I can say no? Or just not show up?…if I set the cake on fire, they won’t notice that I’m not in the pictures, right?

Crap. Pictures.

11 thoughts on “Of Societal Obligations

  1. Ha ha. I can understand your aversion to weddings, and dresses and make up… so just tell them no, thank you. I always find that works. They can’t force you to show after all. And then they won’t be surprised if you don’t show anyhow.
    If they ask why, give them the plain simple reason: you don’t know them that well. If they can’t take the honesty, then it proves the point… they don’t know you either!

  2. Hahahaha! This post really hits home. I’m a December bride and walalalala don’t get me started on the wedding shenanigins. Having to inflate yo budget to accomodate relatives you last saw when you were 5! And the insane requests from ‘well meaning’ aunts seeing that I’m a ‘motherless bride’! Seriously??? I put my foot down at 2 bridesmaids and my ‘mothers’ threatened to explode. I’ve lost hair in the process *sigh* Its my day dammit!!

    Sooo….we are plannin a parallel wedding! Muahahahahaha!!

  3. Oh dat reminds me, have yo ever watched ‘wedding planner’? By j-lo ? It’s simz a perfect match 2 ua malady, but in dis one, de groom was taken by da weddin planner, on his wedding day! 4 a min i despise dis wedding thing!

  4. No is a word you can and should use once you are over 18, seeing as your legally responsible for anything you do from then henceforth….
    Lakini yo brave..kwani they dont have pals ati so its a must yo in the entourage?
    Buy a nice gift and bow out….coz you can chill and have all that drama at your own wedding.

  5. So sorry. I had to be in one of those committees this past summer and I have vowed to never do it again. The torture! aaargh. I refuse to be part of wedding parties. I was brave enough to not be a bridesmaid when my mother got remarried so I’m finding it quite easy to say no to everyone else.

  6. I share your view on weddings, and for the longest time promised self to elope or have the pastor bless our marriage during a Sunday service.

    Well, I realize that will not happen and I’ll have to do a wedding, the trick is to make the day mine. Have the folks knock themselves out at the traditional ceremonies (which traditionally they pay for thank God), then have my dream wedding with people who truly care.

    Will it work? Who knows?

  7. totally agree on the idea that weddings are overdone, so i pulled a 50 guest wedding, with a KSH 150K budget, and a 3 hour tops ceremony. everyone was home by 5. no committees,( but my awesome friends chipped on budget and logistics for the day)…. Weddings are supposed to be fun and memorable, but the whole 2million plus budget i dont get….

  8. i like weddings…..

    Cz the afterparty rocks. 🙂

    wen my folks redid their marriage,we ws arnd 30guys and a family lunch at silversprings.
    It cost less than 60k all inc. And pland in abt a wk.(mum n dad r king n queen of random)
    guys get so caught up in tryin 2 please people u only c at weddings n funerals they 4get its their wedding,nt their relatives.and aunts r extreeeeemely notorious at hijackin weddings n turnin them in2 their own dreams at the couples expense.if anythn,guys shud go 2 the a.g. Thn call guys up 4 the aftaparty n celebrate.at least thea u knw its people hu ur gona enjoy the wedding wid 2 the max.
    #amjustsayin

  9. Pingback: “PG-13″ – A Case Against Children, Weddings & TV « Diasporadical

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