Conjugal Visits, Illegal Homosexuality & Voyeurism

With government officials stepping aside, stepping down, stepping on each others toes…and really doing every form of stepping short of two-stepping and stepping in the name of love, there’s another group of crooks looking to make steps forward. These are the crooks that we actually caught and they don’t want to get away with their crimes. They just want to get laid. Ever since the New Constitution came to be, there’s been a new thrust in the motion to let these guys and gals bang in the slammer(pun at your own risk). But is this really such an illogical provision?

According to The Commissioner of Prisons, Mr. Osugo, hereforth Osug-sugz, “Prisoners cannot be accorded conjugal rights. We cannot enforce a non-existent law.”

To be fair, this isn’t the first time this suggestion has been made. It’s not even one of the first 5 times. As recently as 5 years ago, we tried getting these cons some poon and pipe, but alas, ‘tamounted to naught.

And it seems that these efforts will be thwarted yet again. Something about wasting taxpayers money. So you know what they are going to do instead? They are going to install surveillance cameras ‘to curb gay sex’.

According to The Daily Nation:

Surveillance cameras will soon be installed in prisons as a way of ensuring that inmates do not engage in homosexuality.

“It was difficult for prison officers to establish if some inmates indulge in the illegal act,” said the Commissioner of Prisons, Mr Isaiah Osugo.

“We don’t know what happens in the prison dormitories when the inmates retire to bed. We just receive claims that some inmates engage in homosexuality,” he explained.

“In order to avoid speculation on the matter, we shall instal closed-circuit television cameras in all dormitories so that we can catch the culprits,” he said.

There are several things wrong with this. First, according to Osug-sugz, the problem is that it’s illegal to be gay but these thugs do it anyway. What about rape? Sexual abuse? Physical abuse? Nah, nah. What we really need to curb in prisons is the gayness. They can beat each other up and culture violent natures and abusive tendencies, as long as they don’t deflower each other. We want our old, hardcore heterosexual prisons back(roll eyes now) and in order to do that, they have a plan. And that plan is the second problem.

CCTV Prison

See, instead of dissecting the cause of why previously hetero men went homo, Osug-sugz figures they should watch them first. Yes, let’s install thousands upon thousands of CCTV cameras in the prisons to be 100% certain that gay stuff is happening. This, mind you, in a country who’s capital city is without CCTV coverage. Is this even considered logical, let alone financially responsible? Aren’t there medical ways of proving forced entry that cost less than purchasing CCTV cams for EVERY DORMITORY? Maybe, but that’s where problem 3 comes in.

Assume they install them, and then we find out that ‘homosexual activities’ are indeed transpiring(surprise, surprise), then what? Solitary confinement is too costly. Longer sentences won’t do much for lifers and people getting their fill in prison(no pun). So what next? My guess is that they’ll sit down and review the effect that sexual starvation has on prisoners. Especially unjustly imprisoned ones who’d really rather stick it to the system, but since all they can get a hold of is another man/woman, they’ll stick it to him/her instead.

Then someone in the room will go “Hey, what if, and this is a crazy idea, what if we allow conjugal rights as a reward for good behaviour? This might save us the rape, violence, gayness. Seeing as it is controlled and given as a reward, we may even get better behaved prisoners and not destroy whole communities. It’s brilliant. Besides, we can’t logically install more CCTVs; they haven’t helped.”

But even when this guy comes up with that genius proposition, late in the day, it will still be shot down. Because for as much as we believe prisons to be rehabilitative correctional facilities, they’re mostly just sweatshops that amplify whatever misguided thuggery existed there into a whole new beast of a problem, while raking in funds for the authorities. And for as much as controlled conjugal visits as a reward might serve to rehabilitate, dehumanizing voyeurism is way more profitable. See, it’ll cost more, and so the more money being pumped in, the more that can be stolen.

Our crooks are guarding our thugs and they’re robbing us to do so.

Go figure.

15 thoughts on “Conjugal Visits, Illegal Homosexuality & Voyeurism

  1. And what is sex? Will it include a blow job? being assisted in the art of masturbation? And who is going to be watching the CCTV to monitor those ‘illegal acts’? I for one will not be applying for that job. It is the same as watching Porno, it corrupts your mind.

  2. me thinks the whole CCTV camera thing is jus jibbar jabber for the press.and the person who released it obviously did’nt think through the whole thing. it cant happen.what? that there can be evidence of the deplorable conditions them prisoners live in?…vile kuna more thug activities in there more than what’s out here and the whole system is involved?…CCTV cameras would only fly in a system thats’ near perfect…cos they’s not much to hide..lakini hukuz,nope!dont think so..*smh…and i agree,its not the gayness that should be the biggie…it’s the abuse,rape,violence & sexual starvation behind it that should be addressed.

  3. Osugo is merely huffing and puffing… Prisons can barely meet the nutritional needs of the prisoners, the most basic form of privacy when conducting very personal business ie. going to the loo for example, is unheard of in some prisons, these conditions are brutal and breed brutes as a consequence…It would be totally absurd for these prison punks to want to monitor a situation made worse by the prisons themselves..

    And then, the ethos that govern prisons are quite different from those that govern the outside – confined spaces, interaction with only a single sex, extreme exertion of physical power and the corresponding need to be protected – its even hard to term what goes on there as textbook homosexuality/lesbianism. Gukira gives a good example of this strange sexuality of convenience in this blog post:

  4. If ever there was a case of misplaced priorities, this is it. And the most unfortunate thing is that these are people who are supposed to oversee reforms within their jurisdictions. When you meet these guys outside their work-stations, they will come out as very bright men and women, but wait until the mics are placed infront of them while on official duty,they transform to mentally-fosilised-motor-mouths who spew mind-numbing ideologies and theories. Unbelievable.

    Nice post.

  5. I’ll do this in point form:-

    1. No one cares whether God or Big Brother is watching. God watches a lot of our shitty reality and human beings have come to enjoy Reality TV.

    2. While Osugz-sugz is thinking about installing those CCTVCs in prisons, maybe the Ministry of Education can take a hint and install some in our boarding schools. Lots of lesbo/gay activities in there.., but I guess no one knows.,. but would like to know.., or confirm what they don’t know.

    3. I’ll say it again. The Ugandans will kill us if we take shots of that stuff. Eat Da Poo Poo Yo!

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