The other day, people all across the world gasped and gawked as Pope Benedict said that it was okay for prostitutes(and really anybody) to use condoms if it helped prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS. Churchgoers screamed ‘Foul!’ Scientists screamed ‘Liar!’ Nymphomaniacs screamed ‘Yeah!’ (c)Lil’ Jon – and I sat there wondering what the fuss was about.
First off, the Pope tracing the path to righteousness for prostitutes is about as pretentious as the UN sending peacekeeping troops into the jungle to stop animals killing each other. Put it this way, when Police find graffitti artists spraying a wall do they
a) condemn the illegal act of vandalism
b) suggest that it would be better for the artists’ health to wear safety masks so as to avoid inhaling fumes…because this is the first step towards being a better person.
But I’m not knocking the Pope’s logic. Oh no.
I’ve heard you can get sued for that. Everyone has the right to their own opinion, authoritative albeit. There is more than one way to skin a cat, so I’d assume there are just as many ways to rid the world of sin…right?
But let’s get back to the prostitutes, shall we? How do the commercial sex workers feel about Mr. Benedict’s prerogative to have prostitutes use rubbers more regularly? I held back from writing this post until I spoke to a whore friend of mine and asked her what she thought about the whole matter. She had this to say: “If I’m not listening to God, why would I listen to some old German dude?” Excellent point, whore-friend, why would you listen to this guy? She continued to explain that condoms are usually negotiable but, you see, in many cases, if you get rubs with a rubber, you get less money(or a punch in the stomach). And if you’re as parched as some of these girls tend to be after that much mileage, it also means you need to invest in lube–rication. Which in turn proves to be fiscally retarded and quite laborious for someone who’s barely making ends meat(..).
Further, with the amount of oral and anal sex these guys/girls are having, the effectiveness of telling whores to strap up is ….well …kinda like telling a chain smoker to go on a diet.
Then there’s the rest of you. If you are sexually active and needed his Papalness to tell you that you should rock a cap before you tap, then I worry for you on 3 levels. First, that your moral hierarchy is like an Escher drawing in that it’s OK to rock out with your cock out but yet you still need the Pope’s permission to wear a jimmy. Secondly, that you take advice on sex from virgins. Third that you haven’t been using a condom all this time. Unless you’re married and are essentially enjoying the benefits of a sexual free-for-all, you should probably consider staying strapped. At. All. Times.
Put it this way, if you truly are religious and strictly so, then you don’t need an old dude in curtains and a top hat to tell you that sex is wrong. And if you like to think of yourself as more forwardthinking and sexually active, then you don’t need that same old guy to tell you you should stay protected. And if you do so happen to be a religious prostitute, unaware of the risks of your trade, you may need to rethink selling your body because it disqualifies you from saving your soul. Because while latex may make sex safer, it’ll never save what matters the most.
Think first. Act second. Regret never. Be merry. Live long.