The Pope Is Not Your Sex Therapist


The other day, people all across the world gasped and gawked as Pope Benedict said that it was okay for prostitutes(and really anybody) to use condoms if it helped prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS. Churchgoers screamed ‘Foul!’ Scientists screamed ‘Liar!’ Nymphomaniacs screamed ‘Yeah!’ (c)Lil’ Jon – and I sat there wondering what the fuss was about.

First off, the Pope tracing the path to righteousness for prostitutes is about as pretentious as the UN sending peacekeeping troops into the jungle to stop animals killing each other. Put it this way, when Police find graffitti artists spraying a wall do they

a) condemn the illegal act of vandalism
b) suggest that it would be better for the artists’ health to wear safety masks so as to avoid inhaling fumes…because this is the first step towards being a better person.

But I’m not knocking the Pope’s logic. Oh no. I’ve heard you can get sued for that. Everyone has the right to their own opinion, authoritative albeit. There is more than one way to skin a cat, so I’d assume there are just as many ways to rid the world of sin…right?

Common Sense

But let’s get back to the prostitutes, shall we? How do the commercial sex workers feel about Mr. Benedict’s prerogative to have prostitutes use rubbers more regularly? I held back from writing this post until I spoke to a whore friend of mine and asked her what she thought about the whole matter. She had this to say: “If I’m not listening to God, why would I listen to some old German dude?” Excellent point, whore-friend, why would you listen to this guy? She continued to explain that condoms are usually negotiable but, you see, in many cases, if you get rubs with a rubber, you get less money(or a punch in the stomach). And if you’re as parched as some of these girls tend to be after that much mileage, it also means you need to invest in lube–rication. Which in turn proves to be fiscally retarded and quite laborious for someone who’s barely making ends meat(..).

Further, with the amount of oral and anal sex these guys/girls are having, the effectiveness of telling whores to strap up is ….well …kinda like telling a chain smoker to go on a diet.

Then there’s the rest of you. If you are sexually active and needed his Papalness to tell you that you should rock a cap before you tap, then I worry for you on 3 levels. First, that your moral hierarchy is like an Escher drawing in that it’s OK to rock out with your cock out but yet you still need the Pope’s permission to wear a jimmy. Secondly, that you take advice on sex from virgins. Third that you haven’t been using a condom all this time. Unless you’re married and are essentially enjoying the benefits of a sexual free-for-all, you should probably consider staying strapped. At. All. Times.

Condom Pope Benedict

Put it this way, if you truly are religious and strictly so, then you don’t need an old dude in curtains and a top hat to tell you that sex is wrong. And if you like to think of yourself as more forwardthinking and sexually active, then you don’t need that same old guy to tell you you should stay protected. And if you do so happen to be a religious prostitute, unaware of the risks of your trade, you may need to rethink selling your body because it disqualifies you from saving your soul. Because while latex may make sex safer, it’ll never save what matters the most.

Condom safety

Think first. Act second. Regret never. Be merry. Live long.

16 thoughts on “The Pope Is Not Your Sex Therapist

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention The Pope Is Not Your Sex Therapist Ā« Diasporadical -- Topsy.com

  2. 1. The Pope is Infallible : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papal_infallibility so yes, you’d probably get sued (or worse)
    2. Your Graffitti analogy was spot on an in fact is the basis for the Churches Stance upto now, Why he changed his mind I don’t know
    3. Always wear a condom! In fact I’m wearing one right now šŸ˜‰
    You can get catch a virus from the internet these days!!! (OK, not the PC but from a chick you meet on the net)

  3. Do you really have a whore friend? No chance of rehabilitation then? This is a big deal to religious folk but really Catholics. I think he should know even though the church frowns on contraceptives, folk are using em and folk who worship his papalcy.

  4. The Papacy has stood for misogyny, patriarchy and other social hierarchies that ensure that the white male is well placed in society. Why should a world trying to move away from everything the Catholic church stands for stick around to listen to what the Pope has to say? I choose logic #thatisall

  5. (thinking like someone used to terms and conditions) there was no fine print on this statement. ‘Some circumstances’ is just too vague. So i might rock a cd on my finger, stick it up her nostril and go ahead to skin-dive! Si i used the condom! Good thing most people wont notice the loophole. (Except DR readers). Lovely post icon!

  6. While I agree with you to some extent, you have to understand that it is not automatic everyone engaging in sex uses a condom. Heck, some of us are not so strong to say no when given-in-need. And moreso, while your whore-friend is indifferent to God, a lot of other people, even whores, still care are their faith and go to ‘confession’ every other time.

    The Pope wanted to pinpoint that while the Catholic Church still does not allow for condoms, someone who has decided to sin can as well have some societal responsibility and not go around spreading viruses, as some dont-care whores walk around doing.

    Mwirigi, while the Pope is infallible, this is not an official stand of the church but a personal opinion of his and thus his infallibility is not put to question (infallibility only applies in dogmatic matters).

  7. Hi,Fantastic article,it’s so helpful to me,and your blog is very good,I’ve learned a lot from your blog here,Keep on going,my friend,I will keep an eye on it,One more thing,thanks for your post!

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