“PG-13” – A Case Against Children, Weddings & TV

BY AKELLOVE

Shocked Baby

I don’t like kids. I’m sorry. I don’t. Okay I’m not really sorry. But it sounds more politically correct to claim that I am. Not to say that I hate everyone who continues to (unceasingly) propagate their lineage. It’s your choice if you enjoy not being able to sleep for the next 18 years of your life. *shrug* But that’s another post. That maybe, one day, I’ll write when I don’t feel like being lynched by women everywhere. Couple of guys, too. Because really, who WANTS to be lynched? There’s a thin line between masochism and stupidity.

You know what else I don’t like? Weddings. I’ve waxed lyrical on this before, and I never get tired of saying how much I don’t like them (a la Nairobi stupidity after it rains and Thika Road dust…and The Standard’s crap editing). Granted, the last wedding I marched in – yes, marched in. Ask me no questions, I break no necks. – wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Possibly because of Mr. M.

Now, the only thing worse than weddings and kids is..BOTH.

Wedding Kid

Yes, I realize that it’s nearly impossible to have one without the other. However, the reason is not what you think it is. Yes, they make a reception messy. Yes, they make me totter if I’m in heels (rare, rare occasions. About as often as Julie Gichuru looking bad.) and they happen to bang into me. Yes, the crying can grate on my very last nerve. But even worse for me is the dancing.

I don’t think little children should dance non-little children dances. Like ok it looks cute, fine. But when they start trying to pull Shakira…I have serious issues with that. It’s a 7 year old child, for heaven’s sake. Key word here, CHILD. It irritates me to no end when parents allow their kids to do adult moves on stages, and then clap and cheer. I’m not sure if the problem is that they’re doing it, or that they’re doing it better than me. Just kidding. It’s the former. Honest!

Maybe a deeper problem is that these kids are clearly learning these (quite frankly) explicit dance moves from their main influence, which is probably the television. I know absolutely nothing about raising children, obviously, but I do know that it is dangerous to let the television be your child’s babysitter.

But you know what, I’m talking a whole lot about something I know very little about. Am I the only one who thinks that kids are taking belly-dancing a lot too far? Where do they learn these moves? Whose fault is it, and how can we fix the fact that kids are growing up way too fast without even knowing what their gyrations mean (breathe)? Should we throw away television sets? Will they ever catch Sheep? Oops, said that bit out loud…

4 thoughts on ““PG-13” – A Case Against Children, Weddings & TV

  1. Zaminaminazangalewa its time for Africa! I hate it even more when i see them dancing to that tune and their parents standing hapo kando feeling like they scored 103 in GHCRE !!!! Like, look, my 2 year old can shake ass! How amazing! Lord thank you for talented children!!!

    dear parents-switch the damn tv off- buy some ‘after 4.30 by david mailu’—–

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