Irony, n, sing, 1. That I wrote this article exactly one year ago.
**Update: I’m told the group has been taken down. Anybody want to confirm that?**
Nittzsah directed me to a certain ‘Anti-Gayism in Kenya‘ group on Facebook last night and I couldn’t help but momentarily double blink and choke back laughter. While I find the whole notion of ‘anti-gayism’ in Kenya hypocritically hilarious(and grammatically idiotic), it’s also frighteningly saddening the murderous, borderline genocidal, notions being freely floated about in that group. But more than that, there’s a certain level of complete ridiculousness about this whole thing that makes me wonder where we as a people have gone wrong.
Let’s begin with the hypocrisy of the group. I’ll go so far as to say that 90-95% of people who banish homosexuality for ‘religious’ reasons are hypocritical. Of course, this comes with a story.
A Ugandan friend of mine became a preacher/freelance prophet recently. I chanced to run into her as she exited a certain church in the CBD a few months ago and she invited me for breakfast the next day at the hotel where she was staying. Never being one to turn down free food, I showed up, early. Although she was draped in church funded gold and jewelry, I was cautious not to seem like a scrub; I ordered the blackest coffee they had and a single mandazi to test the waters. She ordered Eggs Benedict with a side of bacon, something I didn’t understand and some guava juice(or some other obscure fruit). The only Benedict I knew was from Ocean’s 11, so I quickly glanced at the menu for elaboration. For those of my hue of shadiness, Eggs Benedict is essentially half a bagel(or muffin, apparently) with poached eggs on it and some ham or bacon and some sauce. I was more concerned with the price so as soon as I realized her pockets were deep(Benedict is an expensive chap) I doubled the mandazis, added some fruit salad and loosened my belt. Oh yeah. I’m THAT guy.
Right then, this seemingly Kenyan(read, black) couple came from their room hand in hand, glancing profoundly into each other’s pupils. I would’ve commented, but my mind was somewhere in the kitchen, looking over the chef’s shoulder screaming ‘How long does it take to microwave a mandazi, dammit!?’ My friend, who we shall call Mary, for laziness sake, immediately jumped on the opportunity to mount her religious high-horse and damn(in the religious sense where you ask The Almighty to smite someone) “these sinful abominations.” Mary went on on a narrow-minded rant about how Jesus would handcraft an ass-whooping specially suited to ensuring people like these would “suffer for their sins” and “die miserably” for what seemed like 20 minutes. She was halfway through explaining how a special fire in Hell burns for them and that we should actually lynch them when her food landed on the table and she began scoffing it down like salvation was hidden in the toasted crumbs on the bagel, and the egg and ham were in the way.
While I had a rebuttal, I also had hunger pangs, so I ate one mandazi and sipped half my coffee before telling the broad “You know you’re being stupid, right?”
Her mouth was too full to reply. I continued to explain to her that killing a human being – in any context – was wrong in her religion. Wishing someone wrong is a sin. Further, judging – in any context – was wrong. Even further, that using the Lord’s name in vain was so wrong that there’s a word for it: blasphemy. Then I paused and told her that a lot of what she was doing now – eating swine, wearing gold, calling herself a prophet, using church funds to splurge on breakfast, being greedy – had been banished more times in the book she held sacred than the act she’d deemed as sacrilege. I then picked up my mandazi and walked away (because being wasteful is wrong).
Something about casting stones comes to mind.
Why is it that people get all high and mighty about this homosexuality thing? Especially politicians. The same clowns who’re probably in violation of half of the Bible they swear on and even more of the constitutions they swear by will stand behind pulpits and ask that we punish people for their sexuality. In Uganda, the ‘Anti-Homosexuality Bill’ broadly states that all gays and friends thereof are subject to the death penalty. Yeah, I could be killed for knowing a gay dude and not reporting it.
Dear Mr. Politician, lesbian orgies do not impact the lives of the starving. Criminals do. Tax evaders do. Your over-inflated salary does. Let God handle them.
And that goes double for regular folk. Where a man or woman derives her sexual satisfaction is of no consequence to you. If you really want to pretend to be religious, then go all out or don’t do it at all. What I find ridiculous is that we live in a country where divorce is rampant, where more people have extra-marital than have running water, children are abandoned on the daily – hourly even – and our problem is gays? Really? There are more prostitutes than there are homosexuals, if you really want to talk about the spread of AIDS. In fact, the way some guys/girls I know collect mileage, they might just want to do it professionally. Can we put a cap on that first? Isn’t that also religiously and legally wrong? How about divorce and premarital sex? These are things we can control but don’t. Because it’s convenient.
Truth be told, most people are anti-gay because it’s disgusting to them. Seriously, look through the comments on that Facebook page and see how many times they say ‘Lesbians are cool cause their sexy but men are gross and should be lynched.’ Ignorance to the tenth power.
My whole theory is this: stupid people should not be allowed to assemble. If we were to subject idiots to the same logic they subject others to; we’d all be entirely too busy lynching people to have a life.
I can’t remember the last time I had to account for my sexuality as a hetero and I don’t see why homo’s should have to do the same. Don’t we have other things to get angry about: like how we’re being robbed blind by our governments? I’d like to see an ‘Anti-Corruption’ group with as much enthuse as this anti-gay group. Instead we’d all rather play God and judge folk for what they do with their wangs in the dark.