Event Recap: Kola Boof vs. Kenyans on Twitter

Ladies and gentlemen, amidst the loud voices bellowing about Occupying Parliament and other serious matters, a not-so-silent fart of retardation clapped its way out of the US and into the Kenyan Twittersphere this fine day. Its name was Kola Boof: the Lion Cub Eating African Queen.

I’ve seen Boof on the Diasporadical Twitter Timeline before. She’s hard to miss for her outlandish statements and her…ehm…let’s say “she has cargo.” It’s not pretty cargo but…

It’s like the missing portion of the Rift Valley. But trust me, her allegations are even more ridiculously proportioned. Her claim to fame is that she’s a best-selling novelist or something, but really people know her for having screwed more famous names than the guy who drills the Hollywood stars in place. Or at least claiming to. She’s purportedly boinked Thabo Mbeki, Jacob Zuma, Russell Simmons and…whoever else pops up when you google her.

But today, she won the Darwin Award for having somehow evaded being extinguished by Mother Nature through evolution – an insult convoluted enough that I’m sure she won’t get.

In the morning, in between being very racist towards Asia as a whole and tooting her proud African horn, as she frequently does, she decided that eating lion meat was something that we as Africans do. Further, that we should be proud of it.

That’s right, we don’t know our own bleeping countries. We should be proud of that shit; eating lions for Africans is about as badass-ly naturally obvious as martial arts expertise is to Asians. And Kola Boof, being the guardian and authority on all things African will not let us slack on our Africanness.

Honestly, I could go on for hours.

She did. Until one very brilliant gentleman known only as Currie_Powder, or The Royco Guy if you will, took matters into his own hands.

Dear Currie_Powder, I salute you. I saluted you as soon as I saw that tweet. But everything after that was sheer hilarity as Kola missed the joke and bought the lie. Hook. Line. Sinker. And then some.

Oh she bought it and he sold it.

She was so excited to be able to buy “baby lion meet” and that genius Currie even sent her pictures to whet her appetite.

And in between time, even he noticed that the only thing dipping lower than her breasts sag was possibly her IQ.

Now, I should point out that while Currie was having his fun with her, dozens of people were telling her that he was lying. I mean Kenyans were going out of their way to tell this broad that we do NOT eat lions and that there’s no way this guy was a lion-breeder. But she held on to that lie; insulting and defending it until it finally dawned on her that she was the butt of what was now everybody’s joke.

It was glorious. She went on a blocking spree, and put a halt to all that nonsensical talk about how delicious lion cubs are.

There are two lessons to take from all this:

1. There is no limit to the creativity of Kenyans on Twitter when faced with a ridiculous situations
2. There is no shortage of ambassadors of ignorance feigning afrocentrism and cultural authority.

Have an African day, won’t you?

123 thoughts on “Event Recap: Kola Boof vs. Kenyans on Twitter

  1. That Koala M. Boof, wait, I am sure she’s trying to ‘block’ this block.

    Koala Momo Boof. Yep, we know her three official names. As for those missing parts of Rift Valley #iCant.

  2. LMAAAOOO! This Was Simply The Highlight Of My Day! Bar none. Currie Powder is officially THE MAN.

    I told her three times and she insisted and even told me to check his TL. I am going like listen here woman there is no country known as Rongai. But she is a retard.

    Hats off to Currie for a very amusing morning.

  3. Self-Made retards can’t be helped….this has just made my day man!! Rongai, neighbouring country???? Like WTF, doesn’t she even have Google Maps??

  4. Shining the Sun on an otherwise dreary day in Nairobi , this side of the Savannah….lesson, never under-estimate the power of #KOT & social media. ILI IWE FUNZO!

  5. This reads like a Typical Tuesday piece on that it came on a Thursday and happened online. The hilarity!! What a corrupt Afrocentrism masquerader!”

  6. *clutches ribs* 😄
    She really does prove that the stupidity of your actions is directly proportional to the people watching.

  7. @Michelle Langi Don’t generalize all of the US, because of a few nuts. There are a lot of ignorant things going on in your part of the world.

      • You should be addressing the post below that are talking shit about your country. My comment was mild to say the least. Coward ass bitch.

  8. I now understand the ignorance foreigners have towards Africa(ns). It is no longer fuelled by lack of knowledge about Africa, but by the efforts of people such as Kola Boof who, in a (ridiculous) attempt to cut herself a special niche in a foreign society, will do anything to gain acceptance including manufacture and distribution of such nonsense at the expense of an entire nation.
    One can only imagine the time and effort spent by her researching into her lies. If only this effort could be spent trying to improve her I. Q. from the decimal figures it is to something we can all agree that is acceptable though low, like 60.
    While her exploits are actually hilarious (she has even written books as I discovered to my shock and horror), I must say that I am disappointed and actually pissed of that I share the same planet with this woman, leave alone nationality. The reason why people are called Ambassadeurs is that when they go to foreign lands, they become representatives of their motherland. In this case, everyone who has interacted with Kola Boof will form an opinion about Kenya(ns) based on her. And I shudder at that thought…..I have worked too hard on my reputation as an expat to have it disregarded and discarded on account of a half-crazed female clearly in need of rehab, for the rubbish that erupts from her mouth can only be concocted by one under heavy influence of substances banned in the entire world.

    PS – It is clear that this Kola Boof female was exported directly from the village, and her only knowledge of Nairobi is the airport. I propose that a centre be opened in Nairobi for all rural folk wishing to travel, a centre that will subdue the potential culture shock that they will experience. Hopefully incidents, and people like this will reduce.

  9. I was wondering what the fuss was about the Royco Guy when I logged on to Twitter this morning,now I think we should lobby for him to get a presidential award at the next Jamhuri Day celebrations

  10. hahahahahahah runs to follow @currie_powder my new hero hahahahahah koala whats her face is the definition of true primitive energy, tell her lion meat won’t make her body look any less chewed

  11. The woman is always lying about something. Her origins, Oromo? The Oromo are not southern Sudanese. 2. The Sudanese do not practice circumcision of either sex 3. She slandered Djimon, how they not sue her ass?

    Well, i think she loves the publicity and drama it gives her. However she must be put into her place because she is 1. Ruining other people’s lives 2. Misrepresenting Kenya and their lion eating ways. As usual KOT does well.

  12. ha ha ha ha..and my Friday keeps getting hilarious every hour….should we have an African t.v show or something showing we actually live in houses, wear clothes, go to work, read write sometimes better than them and we have no tails!!…Its sad she is actually one of African roots..

  13. @Currie_powder surely lives for a purpose.ths inspires me to wake up every morn n be a proud #KOT no apologies!! hehehe..

  14. There as to be a better way of supporting them boobies. And yeah Curie-Powder yo are the man eish yawa ujinga ni mbaya kuliko umaskini nkt!

  15. Don’t I just love @currie_powder for turning a rather boring afternoon to one filled with pearls of laughter for me.

  16. Now that’s a prank +2, but what a foolish boof! Anyway, I’m now following this royco guy, just in case the future has such to serve!

  17. Kenyans are horrible people!! This Boof lady is right about Kenyans!!! They are nasty people and users!! Then again that is most Africans!!!

  18. This article is very dry and not funny at all!! You Africans are idiots and shouldn’t you people be more concerned with why African is so fucked up!!! No wonder why you mud butts don’t have shit!!! To busy worrying about Twitter. Stupid Africans!!!

  19. I honestly do not see the joke. I am either totally out of touch with the Kenyan mindset or you guys have some suppressed inferiority complexes that this story is somehow helping you to deal with. How can so many people elevate this Kola Boof nonesense just so that you can find yourselves something to laugh about…. that some foreigner did not know that “Rongai is a country”..Is this knowledge what you lot consider to be high IQ? So many clever people around the world do not know where Kenya is … just like many Kenyans have no idea where the Isle of White is …..but does that amount to stupidity. I disagree on the redicule of Kola boobs but I have decided to let that rest…I am amazed….

    • The issue here is not that she’s just daft. The issue here is that she’s a liar, and a recidivist ignorant one at that. She claims to have been in Kenya multiple times and to have dined at restaurants here on an endangered animal. Multiple times. And each time we tried to correct her she would call us LIARS and then proceed to say we don’t know shit. Over and above questioning our cultural integrity.

      Humor however is a separate issue. If its not funny to you I guess it isn’t. I giggled.

    • Kola Boof is disgusting and ignorant… for KOT to give her soooo much airtime is beyond me! Come on people! Over the last week I’ve learnt from the sex with Africans, Korean Air and Kola Boof TTs (among others) that most people abroad still have very racist views of Africa…. Its not fair of course, but going HAM on everyone who makes a racist or ignorant remark will not help. Y’all be easy, some things are worth it and some are not. Kola Boof for example is NOT! Argh! That photo will make me puke!

    • before you start catching feelings or getting your panties in a twist….spell check! ridicule not redicule and yes her boobs meet at her knees!

  20. well Einstein was right there two things that are infinite
    the universe and human stupidity!!! hahahaha she actually proved him right

  21. Pingback: The Best Moments of Kenyans on Twitter, 2012 | A Kenyan Girl

  22. Pingback: 13 Best Moments of Kenyans on Twitter in 2012 by @AKenyanGirl « MrYoungScholar

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