Brazilians Don’t Play With Their Football

I’ve been saving for a few years to go to Brazil for the World Cup next year.

But I changed my mind when I read this the other day:

Screen Shot 2013-07-09 at 7.54.43 AM

Let’s go through all the levels of insanity here. The referee stabbed a player? Really? That’s a thing now?

Ref: “Red Card!”
Player: “F**k you! You can’t make me get off the pitch!”
Ref: “I’ll make you get off this EARTH!”
*stab stab*

I’m wondering how bad do football games get that refs have to walk around with shanks? And this whole thing of players rushing the field and decapitating the ref….HOW? Seriously, in what world is that a logical reaction?

night to die

“Ayo, Juanito, did that referee just stab Junior?”
“Si. We go cut him up like chickens and put his head on a spike so that all other referees know not to stab our players no more.”

And then after stoning him, dismembering him and decapitating the guy, they put this guy’s head on a spike in the middle of the field.

What makes it even worse is only one guy was arrested for all this. Like, I can only imagine how huge a mob you have to be to quarter someone with only a small knife as a tool. Further, how long it would take to do that and subsequently get a spike and architect that gruesomeness?


But what makes it even worse is that this was an amateur game. I mean it was like a high stakes “we’re playing for our country’s pride” kind of game (like oh, say, the World Cup, which they’ll be hosting). This was one of those low-tier club games that isn’t that anyone who’s not Brazilian, at least.

I’m starting to wonder what types of nonsense will happen during the World Cup if this is what’s happening now. It’ll be like various scenes from Saw were recreated in opponents locker rooms. Players might have to sacrifice limbs and fight their fears before getting on to the pitch.

And once they get on the pitch, they have to watch out for the ref cause he might just slice you open.


So I’m still going to go to Brazil one day. I hear it’s an amazing place. But I am steering clear of any football pitch. Heck, if I see a football anywhere near me, I’ll walk the other way. If I see a guy in a striped black and white shirt, I’m running. I won’t even name a footballer when I’m there. I’ll just walk around in basketball jerseys and tell everyone about the fine points of golf.

Cause apparently football is a touchy subject.

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