Men, Women, And Porn #NSFW

Every Friday, I get a newsletter from Cracked with five articles they think I should read. Last week’s letter had an interesting piece on directing pornography which made me genuinely curious. See, I’ve read tons of articles about how women analyse everything and how men are remarkably simple, and today, I’m hoping a guy can explain something to me.

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Part of the cracked piece explains that the cameraman shooting the porno is married to the woman starring in the movie. On one occasion, the cameraman watches – and films – as his wife is expertly … serviced … by her ridiculously well-endowed co-star. The writer wonders how the cameraman can cope. Well, by grabbing his wife and aggressively servicing her right after the scene.

Okay, in case you didn’t click on the article for yourself, here’s a summary. Our writer – let’s call him Ted – was a documentary film-maker who was between jobs. His friend makes porn, and asked Ted to take over filming for a few days. The article is basically the lessons Ted learned along the way.

While Ted was on the set, he realised that the cameraman often had to film his wife having sex with other men. Ted asked the cameraman how he dealt with that, and the cameraman said, ‘It’s not real. It’s just acting.’ Until one day, the cameraman filmed a scene that was NOT just acting. As soon as the scene was finished, the cameraman sat next to his wife, gave her the most dangerous look any human being has given another human being, and proceeded to have very aggressive sex with her as everyone watched.

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I’m fairly sure you’ve run over to cracked and read the article for yourself at this point. Yes? Good. So here’s my question. The article doesn’t say how the scenario ended. Actually, it says, “I don’t know how it ended, what they talked about after. But that’s what we beheld. It was profound.”

Now … I’m a woman, which means I have spent lots of moments analysing that situation, and have come up with nothing but a headache. Why would the cameraman react like that? I figure the logical response be to (a) Stab the man (b) Stab the woman (c) Burn the tape (d) Get a divorce (e) Punch anything in sight.

Did the cameraman do any of those things? Nope. He simply, firmly, aggressively f****d his wife – because at that level of intensity, it can’t really be called making love. Of course he might have done all those things later, we’ll never really know. My primary question is … *adjusts glasses* … is this a typically male response? What prompted that action? What was running through his mind in that moment?

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In my typically female way, I tried to get inside his head, tried to deconstruct what he might have been thinking. I assume he was angry that his wife had enjoyed some other man. The chemistry was so real it had the audience was clapping, so it clearly wasn’t acting. Maybe they’d had a fight that morning and she was getting back at him, since she volunteered to do what two other women had refused to do.

Maybe he was jealous she dared to have such fun while he just sat there and watched. Or maybe he was so turned on by watching that he needed … um … release. Maybe it was a deliberate move on her part. Maybe it secretly bugs her that her husband lets her have sex with other men, and she wanted to hurt him and and have fun at the same time. Maybe they have an open relationship and this is their twisted foreplay.

But … what was going on in his head? Was he conflicted that the sex scene was pure gold and that he would make lots of money from some other man enjoying his wife? Did he want to remind her – and himself – that while the other man was bigger, more able, and more enjoyable, she still belonged to him? Was it a basic primal reflex, like grabbing your toy from another child and playing with it yourself? Or was it such a raw, instinctive reaction that no thought was involved in it at all?

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Guys, I wonder if you could do a girl a favour and explain it in the comments. For science. Put yourself in his shoes for a second. Then tell me … why did he react that way? Would you have the same response? If not, what would you do? *taking notes*

22 thoughts on “Men, Women, And Porn #NSFW

  1. Are you really asking; “Is (a man who is okay with the p0rn industry so much so that he marries a p0rnstar and occasionally films his p0rnstar wife, drilling his wife after having just filmed her making love with someone else) a *typical* male response?” or are you just bored?

    • I’m the first to admit I know nothing about men, so yes, I genuinely want to know if it’s a typical response, and I’m genuinely curious about the reasoning behind it. Help?

  2. Once walked in a girl i was seeing, in bed with another man. Though it has stayed as a bitter, shitty memory, what struck me out most was some ‘eroticism’ that came about me when picturing them together. When you spend so much time together, have sex 567 times, the juices wear thin, no doubt…and some things you were not even aware about can send a spark that trips even you. Half the time men have sex with a regular partner,there’s more than half past the chance otherness is fueling their drive…I don’t know, I don’t know, men are peculiar.

  3. Just because it’s a “genuine question” doesn’t make it logical or in any way well thought out.
    You’e dealing with people in the porn industry. which comprises of people who either share their partners, film some poor sex slave being [basically] raped by a gang of men, etc etc… Are these people whose thought process you want to understand or even draw parallel to other men or women???
    Why not ask, why would a married woman regularly have sex with other men, moreso in front of her so-called husband?? They’re sick individuals!!! It’s like wanting to know why the average thinks Ted Bundy reacted by raping dead corpses. “Hey men, why do you think Hitler killed all those people…it’s just that as a woman I get accused of not looking at issues from a man’s perspective…and well, Hitler was a man. It’s for science.”
    For science?? For shame! For ignorance! For traffic! Utterly daft. NotSafeForThinkingPeople.
    Ugh. A man’s perspective on watching his wife with another man.
    UGH.

    • Actually … I’ve often asked both questions. What Hitler had against Jews, and what turns a regular man into Ted Bundy. I’ve often heard people say the problem with women is we ask other women questions we should be asking men (for example, many relationship columns about what men want and how men think are written by women – and vice versa). So it only seemed logical to ask a question about men to … well … men. Not sure why the question itself (or my curiosity in asking it) is upsetting you so much…

  4. Just because it’s a “genuine question” doesn’t make it logical or in any way well thought out.
    You’e dealing with people in the porn industry. which comprises of people who either share their partners, film some poor sex slave being [basically] raped by a gang of men, etc etc… Are these people whose thought process you want to understand or even draw parallel to other men or women???
    Why not ask, why would a married woman regularly have sex with other men, moreso in front of her so-called husband?? They’re sick individuals!!! It’s like wanting to know why the average thinks Ted Bundy reacted by raping dead corpses. “Hey men, why do you think Hitler killed all those people…it’s just that as a woman I get accused of not looking at issues from a man’s perspective…and well, Hitler was a man. It’s for science.”
    For science?? For shame! For ignorance! For traffic! Utterly daft. NotSafeForThinkingPeople.
    Ugh. A man’s perspective on watching his wife with another man.
    UGH.

  5. Well this is a difficult question to answer because of the setting. If the setting was a church choir or the office (in real life not like a porn set of a choir or anything…) then maybe you would have gotten clearer, more insightful responses. This affects too small an audience, if at all, in everyday life.

    • That’s a pretty good point, thank you. So if we tilt the tables a little bit… Let’s say that’s the setting. Let’s say a man walked in on his wife with another man. Would the response be the same? Would he stand and watch and then proceed to exercise his own conjugal rights, or would he shoot them both and surrender himself to the police? And what would be the thought process behind it?

  6. Pingback: Baby-Making Cars and Padded Bras | Diasporadical

  7. You mentioned it in your post: Did he want to remind her – and himself – that while the other man was bigger, more able, and more enjoyable, she still belonged to him? Was it a basic primal reflex, like grabbing your toy from another child and playing with it yourself?
    I imagine if it was me it would be one or the other. I doubt though I could deal with a wife. or even a partner in the porn industry

    • I did imagine it was a valid thought process. I mean, if I was a man, that’s what I’d be thinking. But then again, I’ve been accused of putting thoughts into men’s heads (and words into men’s mouths) that don’t belong there, especially as a female writer creating male characters, or as a (girl)friend misinterpreting a man’s actions, words, or silence. That’s why this time round, I figured I should just ask. Thank you for responding Sid 🙂

    • Yep, quite enlightening. I’d hoped for a wider sampling of responses though :-/ After all, it’s for science, which means I’d like to draw a pie chart or something to tabulate results…

  8. Honestly there’s only two possible explanations to his reaction, and maybe a third thats a stretch of the apparent situation:
    a) he fetishizes his wife having sex with someone else before he does so himself (I’ve been on the dark side of tumblr more times than I’m proud of) and that triggered a more than aggressive sexual response from him

    b) the masculine ego of being the one who “brings home the bacon” regardless of whether or not someone else paid for the bacon and other groceries and the condiments and the soda… and maybe even paid the rent for the house. The male psyche is easily bruised by actions of an equal or even a superior male so by that principle we retain the right to reascertain our dominance over anything that undermines our hold over the object of desire. (more apt especially considering the man that slept with his wife was significantly more endowed; the stand in director called the sex scene a work of art; and her propensity to work with actors that she finds to be cute) or;

    c) porn is an extremely strange business where the director can be a stand in money shot and sex is just work so there’s arguably no way of accurately diagnosing the actions of a man who filmed his wife having sex with another man before having sex with her on the job/outside of the job parameters

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