Spare The Rod?

Dearly beloved,

We are gathered here today to say ‘kwaheri’ (farewell) to something that’s been a member of every Kenyan household and very dear to our hearts and indeed our bums for decades. Today we say adieu to the ‘kiboko’ a.k.a. the ‘cane’ or the ‘rod’. Here in Kenya, the kiboko has touched the lives of many both young while in the hands of ‘loving’ parents, equally ‘concerned’ relatives and friends and not forgetting those overzealous school teachers. Personally, I could say I owe my relatively turbulent-free formative years to the kiboko for putting the fear of God in me and keeping me on the straight and narrow path.

As you are aware, the kiboko met its fatal demise on August 27th 2010 at around 10:25pm at Uhuru Park with the promulgation of the New Constitution of Kenya. Continue reading

When Religion Forgot About God


Disclaimer: If you’re here to insult believers, your comment will get deleted. If you’re here to discuss religion, be open-minded.

It was September 11th the other day.

For many, they remember the twin towers crashing, killing thousands and decimating any progress that had been made towards the acceptance of Muslims in America, and ultimately, the West. Reason being, the culprits behind it said that their motivation was religious thus pissing petrol onto the simmering corpses of the innocent and the raging flames of the burning buildings.

They did it because it was right – nay, necessary – by God.

Just as many before them have done. More people have died in the name of religion than have because of politics or money. More lives have been extinguished by God’s supposed ‘Word’ than have perished in any natural disaster ever. And why? Is there something fundamentally wrong with religion? Continue reading

The Truth About Freemasons in Kenya

The truth shall set you free
One of the earliest pieces on DR was a rebuttal to Zuqka’s speculative nonsensical article that claimed that several of our favorite artists were Masons; more specifically, that Jay-z was part of some secret society. Hogwash really.

But what isn’t hogwash is how Kenyans feel about such groups of people. We have been polarized to react acidicly negatively to Freemasons – or as many call them, Devil Worshippers & Satanists – because they supposedly drink blood drained from virgin children’s necks and pray in dark rooms with no windows while having orgies with abducted prostitutes. But how much of this stigma is really true? Here are 10 things you need to know about Freemasons before you pass judgment. Continue reading

HOW TO BE A MODERN DAY CHURCH MEMBER IN KENYA – The Complete Guide

This post is dedicated to Kenyan Christians, especially those who continue to make a reasonable living out of their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, by praying for them and rendering other ‘Godly’ services that would otherwise be considered free.

It is also dedicated to the Christians who have put all their faith and trust in their church leaders, never questioning their cheerleader’s actions and faithfully following their teachings like blind sheep (by Jove! Could that be where the word ‘flock’ comes from?)

But it is also dedicated to you who’s having a hard time choosing a church where you can worship, as if God suffers Multiple Personality Disorder. Like really, what part of ‘the same yesterday, today and forever’ do you not understand? Continue reading

The Following Religious Leaders DO NOT Represent My Stand On The Proposed Constitution

So “the church” is against the proposed constitution with religious leaders rallying masses to reject the same. While I am up to date with all “the church’s” campaigns (the good, bad and ugly), I am quite angered by a number of things:

  1. I worship (not belong to or subscribe to) a certain “church,” by virtue of my relationship with God and will proudly vote YES in support of the proposed constitutions. Question is do I stop being a part of “the church” because “the church” is against the new document?
  2. Who gave “the church” moral/religious/constitutional authority to represent my views regarding the draft?
  3. Who gave “the church” the right to interpret the proposed constitutions for me?
  4. Why should I care that that “the church” has read the said document?
  5. When did “the church” decide to take up my decision making right (the very essence of my liberty) without my consent?
  6. And lastly, who the fuck is “the church?” and who does he/she/ it/ think they are? Continue reading

Why This New Church Would Be Way Better Than Yours.

Imagine you sat down and thought to yourself: what would be the best way to cash in on the multi-billion shilling business that is the Church in Kenya?

*Lightbulb moment* Start a New Church!

The historic schism in Orthodox Christianity may have happened centuries ago and led to all the denominations we now have (Catholics, Protestants, Methodists, Anglicans, Baptists etc.. ) but what would be truly novel is a church that will bring together all these various churches under one ‘Grand Coalition’ Church. I know what you’re thinking – What will we call this fantastic New Church? “Finger of God Ministeries?” “Helicopter of Christ Ministeries?” Well, those names are already taken but feel free to use that Kenyan creativeness to come up with an equally appropriate church name. However, allow me to offer a few ideas on how this New Church should be structured.

Peep game.

Continue reading