Five For Friday

Five videos to liven your Friday up, wrap up your week, and set you up right for the weekend.

5. “The Placenta Party of Kenya”

The….what? I’m sorry, who comes up with these names? “Finger of God“? Placenta Party? My guess is that Fizzle Dog Timberlake and Joe Hell have something to do with it. Either way, this whole saga is turning into a TV drama. Continue reading

True Blood – A Kenyan Pint

The Arunga/Hellon story just won’t go away courtesy of our bold, authoritative i-know-what-you-did-last-summer media and  of course, yours truly. So we keep talking about it, in the elevator, on the jav, and over coffee in Java. Yet, we still have questions : Why is she doing this? Does she have a mental disorder? How could she sue her parents? What is that cult church all about? As usual, I have no answers either. But I can draw parallels; learned how to in math class, somewhere along my formal education. But I digress.

What I’m I saying? I think I can identify with this whole real life drama by drawing similarities from the HBO Television drama, True Blood.

Just to break it down for you, in case you haven’t watched the series.

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Esther Arunga Timberlake: The Beginning of The End

While most Kenyans are sitting at home watching the drama unfold screaming “cult”, “stupid girl” amongst other blurts, I’m trembling in fear of what this means for the future of our country.

For those of you who are not up to speed, here’s a quick summary. This news anchor, lawyer, TV personality lady was supposed to marry this guy. They both went to this church, run by this pastor, saxophonist, presidential candidate dude. So this dude also had this friend who liked that news lady. Supposedly, that had nothing to do with the pastor cancelling the lady’s wedding to this guy and instead hooking her up with this friend. Anyhow, at some point, they all got arrested, except for that guy, but he was already out of the picture.

As of yesterday, the lady and the friend are supposedly married. We fail to see how as the friend is still in jail and the lady and her pastor, saxophonist are not.

Oh, and one last thing. This lady is suing her parents for 300million.

The lady is Esther Arunga Timberlake, the guy is Wilson Malaba, the preacher, saxophonist, quasi-pimp is Joseph Hellon, and his friend is Quincy Zuma Wambiti Timberlake. They are all members of The Finger of God Ministries. But these details are irrelevant.

In fact, although although furiously entertaining, it’s all extremely irrelevant. The only thing worth noting about the matter is how great an impact this will have on Kenya.

While we sit and speculate, Esther Arunga is laying the foundation for a new breed of celebrity: the type of person who’s famous for being infamous. Continue reading

Why This New Church Would Be Way Better Than Yours.

Imagine you sat down and thought to yourself: what would be the best way to cash in on the multi-billion shilling business that is the Church in Kenya?

*Lightbulb moment* Start a New Church!

The historic schism in Orthodox Christianity may have happened centuries ago and led to all the denominations we now have (Catholics, Protestants, Methodists, Anglicans, Baptists etc.. ) but what would be truly novel is a church that will bring together all these various churches under one ‘Grand Coalition’ Church. I know what you’re thinking – What will we call this fantastic New Church? “Finger of God Ministeries?” “Helicopter of Christ Ministeries?” Well, those names are already taken but feel free to use that Kenyan creativeness to come up with an equally appropriate church name. However, allow me to offer a few ideas on how this New Church should be structured.

Peep game.

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