#RaphLove: The Definition of Trespass

Tujuane
Credit: #KOT

I’m sure by now, you’ve all heard the nasty stories about this blog’s good friend Rapho aka Tuju aka Raph Lover.

The short version of it is that Ogunda(this guy who got booted from the police for somehow money laundering) found his way into Raph Lover’s house wife which led to Raph filing for divorce. Around the same time, Ogunda also started filing for divorce from his wife as well. Anyway, after a few more back and forths in court for Raph Lover and Ogunda, Ogunda was found dead one morning in Raph Lover’s house.

When asked what he thought of the situation, Raph responded by saying:

“There was an existing court order that barred him (Mr Ogunda) from going to any of my premises and it’s unfortunate his death occurred at my premises.”

That’s just gangsta. The guy that was ploughing your wife just died in your house in an obvious murder and your reaction is the legalese version of “Well, that negro shouldna been there in the first place, let alone die there.” Continue reading

“So They Didn’t Kill Them?”

Ed: It might help to read: “They killed them?” first

It’s funny how things pan out, isn’t it?

I had called John as we left my mothers apartment building and told him to come pick us up from the road outside. Even he seemed confused as to why I would wait for him outside. The thing is, we needed to go to the shop right outside to buy pesticides and some other item I forget so it only made sense. By the time we got down and had purchased the goods, he would be there. Or so we thought.

We had to wait a few minutes. Couldn’t have possibly been 10 minutes but a lot can happen in 10 minutes. A lot can happen in 2 minutes in fact; and I’ll give you an example. In two minutes, a motorcycle with 3 young men on it can ride by you. The man behind the handles can pull out a duct taped pistol (looked like a 9mm) as two others begin to offload you of…well, everything. They can get in your pockets and that of the lady behind you and pick everything they can carry off you. Then they can ride off and leave you destitute. Then you will remember every smart idea you had two minutes earlier for two minutes afterwards.

Continue reading

#RIPMarkMuturi

I don’t know why this story has affected me so much. I suppose it’s because I feel like it happened while I watched. It started this morning with a tweet from an old school pal. I didn’t think that much about it. I was just glad that Twitter was being used for good. Lately, the Kenyan online community has gained mass, and the world is noticing. We’ve had several worldwide trends, and YouTube even gave us our own page! But too often, Kenyan Twitter Trends [or TTs] are used for malice, jokes, and mischief. So it was nice to see us RTing for good.

Throughout the day, there were updates and more RTs, punctuated by a silly Twitter beef. A group was formed on Facebook and the search continued. Life went on pretty much as usual, and I hoped this little boy would be found. Yes, I know he was 28 years old, but he was @njerimaina’s kid brother, and he was somebody’s son.

About an hour ago, the TT changed. It suddenly read #RIPMarkMuturi. Continue reading

“Silent Witnesses” – I Think I Saw a Man Die

Car jacking

I think I saw a carjacking.

I really can’t be sure; all I know is that the driver jumped in and hit the accelerator before his accomplice had even gotten both feet in the car. The onlookers swore to have seen nothing and cautioned my curiosity. There were no police reports. The news that night showed growth in the ICT sector and squabbling between Ministers and their assistants; fighting for themselves and not for us. Continue reading

ROAD RAGE: The Solution to Nairobi Traffic

Except not a Honda

Somebody is going to get murdered on Nairobi roads.

And not because of carjackers or criminals or floods or landslides; but because of traffic. It is getting out of hand and something needs to be done NOW!

I left a certain apartment complex in Kilimani with a list of errands and a smile on my face. I have come to expect traffic during certain hours, so when I saw cars backed up on Dennis Pritt Road, I shrugged it off and assumed that our President was going home and so State House Road was blocked off.

Being the smart ass I am, I took a panya route. The plan was to cut through that Arwings Kodhek, Silver Springs round-a-bout and go down Valley Road and hopefully find a way to my favorite campus. Like so:

Jesus Christ on a f**kin’ pogo stick, I couldn’t believe it. People were standing around blocking the traffic. I banged on the car horn several times and they turned at me and laughed then kept walking and talking. I rolled down my window so angered that I couldn’t muster up curse words fast enough. Then I noticed that a large number of car doors were open and engines turned off. Continue reading

The SoapBox: “Police, Turf Wars and Riots”

This week’s edition of The SoapBox is brought to you by Kevlar Vests. Because many times being innocent doesn’t mean police will leave you alone. Protect yourself.

Onto today’s topics.

For those who missed it, Administrative Police in Kawangware shot, slayed, executed 7 taxi drivers last Wednesday. The story behind it is that there was a dispute between boda boda and the Taxi Drivers. This resulted in the feud being reported to Police who showed up guns ablazing on “suspected gangsters”, the Taxi Drivers, and the next few days were mayhem in Kawangware.

Police

Less than a month ago, I pointed out how carelessly reckless law enforcement were with their firearms. Given a reason to shoot one thing and they’ll find a reason to shoot 2; Officers have become very philanthropic with their ammunition, giving back to the public whenever they can. Continue reading