Rain, Rain, Go Away!


When iCon was about the size of a puppy on its hind legs, I used to be scared of the downpour in Nairobi. Then one day some corny old man said “Those are God’s tears of joy. It seems we have made him proud.” Cheered me up for about 1 week.

You see a week thereafter, the pint-sized-me was walking home from Hospital Hill Primary School in the cats-and-dogs rain. Why was I walking, you ask? Because there was no available public transport whatsoever. ‘Home’, for reference purposes, was somewhere on Mombasa Rd; this little place called South B, from whence I hail.

For those of you with reasonable geographic savvy of Nairobi, you may pick your jaw up off the floor now. For the rest of you, that’s a very long walk. Especially if you’re only 8-9 years old.

Anyway, we(my brother and I) began walking, got mud water splashed in our faces by speeding vehicles, pushed around by fellow pedestrians, slipped on the unstable ground and ..oh, right, rained on. Drenched. Might as well have swam there. When we finally got home to our frantically worried mother I walked the nearest window and thought “God isn’t crying. Angels are peeing on us.”

Over the years, the wrath of the angels seems to have gotten more acidic – in more ways than one. Rain does not seem to ever have any positive effect on this city or country, frankly. Continue reading

ROAD RAGE: The Solution to Nairobi Traffic

Except not a Honda

Somebody is going to get murdered on Nairobi roads.

And not because of carjackers or criminals or floods or landslides; but because of traffic. It is getting out of hand and something needs to be done NOW!

I left a certain apartment complex in Kilimani with a list of errands and a smile on my face. I have come to expect traffic during certain hours, so when I saw cars backed up on Dennis Pritt Road, I shrugged it off and assumed that our President was going home and so State House Road was blocked off.

Being the smart ass I am, I took a panya route. The plan was to cut through that Arwings Kodhek, Silver Springs round-a-bout and go down Valley Road and hopefully find a way to my favorite campus. Like so:

Jesus Christ on a f**kin’ pogo stick, I couldn’t believe it. People were standing around blocking the traffic. I banged on the car horn several times and they turned at me and laughed then kept walking and talking. I rolled down my window so angered that I couldn’t muster up curse words fast enough. Then I noticed that a large number of car doors were open and engines turned off. Continue reading

That’s So Kenyan

Written by QQ


Last weekend, a bunch of bored Kenyans and myself were hanging out with a Malaysian girl we had all just met. After devising a plan and a destination we headed out. We crossed the road while oncoming traffic zoomed by, dodging a car here, a truck there, getting to the other side, breathless yet flushed with the thrill of courting danger. The Malaysian was still on the other side, at the traffic light, waiting for the cars to stop, and for the little red man to turn green and let her know it was safe to cross. Her ineptitude at crossing the road was hilarious to the rest of us. ‘Haha, were being so Kenyan!’
Continue reading