I Am Not Wife Material

For those that might recall, the first topic in Form 1 Home Science is “Good Grooming.” So it was that our teacher walked into the class room one hot afternoon and asked “What is Good Grooming?” My hand shot up in the air, eager to make a statement that I was the brightest kid that side of the bunduz. Because I was seated at the front, a shortsighted Mrs. Karimi had no choice but to pick my hand to which I answered “It is the art of choosing a good husband.”

So maybe I wasn’t the sharpest tool in the yard and my mom would probably have abandoned me if she had heard my answer that day. And as the class went ahead to discuss matters hygiene, I pondered on how “grooming” and “groom” had no relation whatsoever. Moving on…

I Am Not Wife Material.

Which is what I told a guy who thought we could settle down, produce a few midgets and grow old together (#marriage: so overrated). The only way to continue reading this post is if you first agree that marriage is Continue reading

Looking For A Church Woman To Settle Down With?…Think TWICE.

Nothing beats a Soul Nite at Carni, especially a Super Soul Nite. This past one was even better since the boyz were celebrating Pete’s new promotion. He’s now on 300k a month, which is not bad for a dude under 30 in Nai. He tells us that he now wants to settle down and start a family (he’s moving up in da office, his business ventures are looking up and his crib is now fully stacked up). This is a big moment since we’ve all been hitting the scene hard since around ’99 and Pete’s been the biggest P.I.M.P in the crew. He then adds that he’s gonna start looking for a mama from church (how many times have we heard dude’s in da club make this statement?) as we all nod in agreement as we scope some of the talent on show.

I leave the convo and start chatting up some ‘yellow-yellow’ at the bar. She’s got all the right (physical) features but she’s drinking Sprite, off the bottle (this is Carni, at 1 a.m…). The convo is a bit icy…she’s a 3rd year BCom student at N**** University and she’s telling me how busy she’d been all day in church-she’s a church (youth) leader at that funky, happening church in South C… Clearly this is not funga material so before I bounce I try a longshot and ask her if she wants to dance. She says no, she’s too tired. That’s usually my signal to leave but before I head off I point out that her Sprite is almost over and offer to buy her another ‘round’ (surely, how much can a sprite cost?-even in Carni, plus it’s jus after end month so I can still make it rain). She say’s yes and orders a triple Vodka and Red Bull??? (Typical Nai chips chicks behaviour) I give the bartender like a K 2 soc and continue the convo with the mama but she spends most of it guzzling that proportion of my salo (I’ve never seen a triple vodo n red b downed so fast…). As soon as she’s done with the drink she’s eager to dance (clearly Red Bull gives you wings) I still wish she had told me before hand that a dance costs like a K, sometimes I wish that I had the balls to deal with professional langaz-at least they’re more direct i.e:pay this much if you want a dance, a ** will cost u an extra …. On the dancefloor she pulls some Crazy ASS moves that were a Blessing to me. After that we took the stroll to Kichaka and got to know each other better. Now that’s what I call money well spent, 1,200/=…that’s even cheaper than K Street, I think. I quickly say goodbye n rejoin the boyz…

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