Badvertising: “Spoof Ads by Diasporadical” Vol. 1

Now, if you’re on Twitter, you’ve probably seen most of these ‘spoof ads’ I put out there randomly during the day. But a lot of our readers are not are not online when the ads go up or are anti-social networking(read: cavemen).

So I’ve compiled them here and added one or two. Also because I’ve noted some of you are appropriating these to yourselves. Naughty, naughty. Behave, children.

Anyhow, enjoy and have a good weekend. Continue reading

“The Customer is Dead…” – Does Good Customer Care Exist?

I’m at it a again, and this time I’m speechless. Well, almost. I have bashed Safaricom on more than one occasion, but because of us Kenyans and our peculiar habits, I swallowed my pride and bought an Mpesa line. It’s nothing personal, just business, so for obvious reasons, the number is constantly mteja.

I also have a Zain line to pay my electricity bills. The price war means I can now get calls from any provider, so my Yu line is perfect for everything. Also, my second handset died and I gave away my third one, so I’m now among the ‘normal’ people who have one phone and a hole for extra simcards.

Where is the problem in all this? Well, I love Yu, no complaints. It’s cool, it’s clear, the rates are really cheap, and the simcards are cute. I have to load small cards at a time, but I can live with that, and it’s still the only network that gets service in my house.

But Continue reading

Dear Mobile Network Companies….

Hi, I’m iCon: resident loudmouth here at Diasporadical. You’re probably more familiar of my colleague, 3CB, as she’s usually the one that addresses matters to do with stupidity as pertains to your companies. But not today. Today, I have found a bone that I would not only like to pick with you, but throw at you; possibly stab you with it too.

I feel like sometimes you guys forget which way is up. See, while you were busy playing strip poker with your tariffs – trying to call each others’ bluff – most of your users were complaining. Continue reading

Cellphone Registration and Con Week

I just received the most interesting phone call from 0750234968. A guy speaking in very grammatical Swahili explained that I had won Ksh 70,000. He had a very detailed story about a Promulgation draw. Apparently the winning ticket was Number 6.

I figured it was a con, so I was only half-listening and responding with mm-hm and appropriate intervals. Apparently, my sarcasm didn’t carry over the phone. This dear boy has picked the wrong girl on the wrong phone on the wrong day. Continue reading

And now it’s Yu

I’ll keep this short and sweet. My siblings know me as a complainer. I must hold some kind of record for being the Whiner of the Year. Too bad it doesn’t come with a cash prize.

I’ve been quiet for a while, because I’ve been under the weather, under my blanket, and under my computer, earning money and looking miserable. It’s the eyebags.

So, when my little brother asked me to do a rant about Yu lines, I sat on it for a little while. I had words with Safcom on a really bad day, which appeared to some as sour grapes. And I now adore Zuku since they’ve totally styled up – for me at least.

But it seemed a little picky to … pick … on Yu. After all, I like Yu. Continue reading

Dear Safaricom: Soapbox Edition

Just for the record, I tried counting to ten before I wrote this. It didn’t work.

I’m a female, a mother, and an adult. This usually means I should not throw tantrums. But I am particularly angry right now, and anger is a scary emotion when it’s in a mother.

I have just received a call from this Mpesa Manager, who called me in response to this comment made a few days ago on this post. Justus had some less than pleasant things to say to me, and when he was done, he went and told Mr Manager about it.

The Manager asked me to email him first, which I did. He then asked for my number so he could call me. I gave it to him. Five minutes later, he sent another email asking for an alternate number, because he couldn’t get me on my Safaricom number. Why? Because Safaricom has no network in my house. I live a ten minute drive from the CBD – when there’s no traffic. The only service provider with network inside my house is Yu.

The Manager and I had a 6 minute conversation in which I didn’t say very much because I was completely shell-shocked. As in I was so mad my hands were shaking. Continue reading