We Do Not Kidnap Fat Kids

What’s the first thing you think about when you see a fat kid?

Ok, other than not kidnapping the poor fellow. Do you think…,

• Man that kid eats a lot!
• I wonder what her parents feed her
• That must be the laziest kid alive!
• I wouldn’t like my kid to look like that
• Why are kids so big nowadays?

You know what I think? I think. Damn!! That right there, is child abuse. And some parent somewhere ought to be arrested.

Let’s be realistic here.

When I talk about overweight kids, I mean walking human globules of fat between the ages of 3 and 12. See, children within that age group depend on their parents or guardians to make informative decisions for them. It is also at that pre-teen age when kids emulate a lot of what they see from older people they interact with on a daily. Very little of what these kids do is a product of a conscious, individual, developed thought process. It is pretty much monkey see, monkey do, making that stage of a child’s development very critical in shaping his/her life. Hence, if a kid is sadly rotund at that age, it’s not the child that is answerable but the parent. Shout Child Abuse!!

There are certain facts medical facts I must spell out before I proceed:

1. Children are not born obese (only with factors that may lead to obesity)
2. It depends on what you feed them (junk in, junk all round)
3. It also depends on their lifestyle (if they’re lazy, they’ll be fat)

With continued observation, there are certain things I have noticed about fat kids that I should probably share:

No One Wants to Play With Your Fat Kid

Unlike where I live right now, my previous area of residence was populated with families. The houses there were large, with three to four bedrooms and a play area outside, making it an ideal place to raise a family. Sometimes, I’d look over my balcony and watch with interest as the children enjoyed their playtime in the afternoon. But there was one girl that found all this running around too laborious for her taste.

She was huge, so much so that her eyes had sunk into their sockets, overshadowed by her overly plump cheeks. She had a pot-belly that shook when she thumped about the court and no matter how hard she tried to keep up with her leaner friends, she just couldn’t. She often had to sit down to catch her breath, which made the rest of the kids mad because it slowed the pace of the game they’d be playing at that time. One day, and out of frustration, one kid shouted “Wee unaharibu game!!” to which the girl went back home. I also went into the house.

People Tend To Think Your Fat Kid Is Dumb

And I fully agree, this is one of the worst stereotypes out there. But sadly, that’s just the way of the world. Take me for instance, when I was born, my parents never thought I would be Epileptic. But a small complication at birth led to my condition – something I may have to live with for the rest of my life, fits and all.

It was hard for me as a kid, because I’d experience some form of a seizure and when I’d regain consciousness, I’d find the rest of the kids laughing at me. I was pretty much left out of everything as my condition deteriorated, and though I was physically fit and smart my teachers didn’t think I could take part in competitive sports or handle leadership responsibilities.

It’s kind of the same with fat kids. Fat kids have provided immense comic relief for centuries, much like “your momma” jokes and the more they get picked on for their flabby physique, the more it dents their self-esteem.

You don’t want that as a parent.  All you have is a fat kid. That doesn’t need any surgical procedure to correct. All you have to do is get your fat kid off junk, feed him lots of veggies and get him to exercise, and then people will finally stop looking down on him.

Single Moms and Fat Kids

I didn’t say all single parents have fat kids. I mean, God is a single parent too and that don’t mean nothing!

But my little, non-scientific observation has often come up with this result. And where both parents are present, most often then not there is some dysfunction in the family.

(Don’t worry, you’ll get a chance to throw your missiles at me once you’re done reading)

I’ve often tried to understand what the connection between single parents and overweight children is, and this is at best what I’ve come up with:

• Many of these women (as is the case with majority of women) struggle to manage their own weight and are therefore incapable of managing their children’s weight.
• The lack of a father figure (one that would probably get the child to go out to play some soccer, which mom wouldn’t do as she probably has house chores, or a ladies’ meeting or continuous sessions of church) probably encourages the overweight child to lead a sedentary lifestyle.
• In a bid not to disappoint her fatherless child, a single mom may fulfill every one of her child’s demands. I know of a cousin who would carry pizza to every of our family gatherings justifying that the child doesn’t eat at other people’s homes. I asked, “even family?” And she said “even when I cook Ugali.”

Defending Your Fat Kid Is Wrong

I sat next to a stranger and her fat kid at a wedding reception. Her friend, who I assume hadn’t seen her for years came over to seat next to her. Upon seeing her friend’s fat kid she smiled and said, “Wow, your child has grown so big,” to which the child’s mother replied, “It’s God’s blessing.”

No, it is not God’s blessing that your child can’t play or jump or swim. It is not God’s blessing that your child snores in his sleep. It is not God’s blessing that your child will probably have a heart attack soon. Just because your fat kid doesn’t look like some malnourished refugee child does not make his weight problem a blessing. You need to do something and fast.

All said and done, if your kid is too fat to be kidnapped, that is no security measure. You have a serious problem you ought to work on.