Dear Safaricom: Soapbox Edition

Just for the record, I tried counting to ten before I wrote this. It didn’t work.

I’m a female, a mother, and an adult. This usually means I should not throw tantrums. But I am particularly angry right now, and anger is a scary emotion when it’s in a mother.

I have just received a call from this Mpesa Manager, who called me in response to this comment made a few days ago on this post. Justus had some less than pleasant things to say to me, and when he was done, he went and told Mr Manager about it.

The Manager asked me to email him first, which I did. He then asked for my number so he could call me. I gave it to him. Five minutes later, he sent another email asking for an alternate number, because he couldn’t get me on my Safaricom number. Why? Because Safaricom has no network in my house. I live a ten minute drive from the CBD – when there’s no traffic. The only service provider with network inside my house is Yu.

The Manager and I had a 6 minute conversation in which I didn’t say very much because I was completely shell-shocked. As in I was so mad my hands were shaking. He explained that Safaricom is asking for that information in direct response to CCK, and that we should not assume that they are stealing information from us. Direct quote.

I explained that my issue wasn’t with the information they wanted. My issue was that I needed to know whether or not the text was from them, and I couldn’t confirm that information because I couldn’t get through to Customer Care. He then suggested that I should have tried emailing Safaricom, or checking for the information on their website.

Yeah, that whole 24-7 Customer Care thing is very useful when I can get the same info from an email or a website, yes?

He further explained that since they have millions of customers, they can’t possibly call each one of us to get the CCK info, that’s why they sent a text message. Perfectly understandable. And yes, they sent the message in two batches. Mr Manager says that when a text says Safaricom, it means that it comes from Safaricom.

Mr Manager suggested – among other things – that I should write a post explaining that the 232 is not a scam.

Ok. The 232 is not a scam.

The Manager also suggested that instead of blogging the problem, I should have sent them an email when I couldn’t get through to Safaricom Customer Care.

I’m counting to ten before I write the next sentence.

Say … I don’t suppose you guys could have sent me an email specifying that this info was for CCK, so that I could, you know, verify the IP and stuff like that? Coming from safcom.co.ke, it would probably be less suspicious than a mass text. I’m just saying. Where’s that soap box?

Mr Manager, the whole point of a blog is to express personal opinions. My opinions are mine, and I’m entitled to them. I would gladly have done a more positive blog if you were doing a more positive job. As long as I’m not giving a hate speech or breaking any law, I have a NEW constitutional right to blog as I see fit. I voted yes. Also, note that this post was NOT negative, it was simply an open query.

No, Mr Manager it is NOT okay to blame me for not getting through to your Customer Care Centre, and suggesting that I should have called 234 instead, or that I should have checked the website for information. Even if I DID know about 234 – which I don’t – and even if I DO live online,  that’s what Customer Care is for.

I had serious issues with your tone Mr Manager. I did not like the way you spoke to me. I felt patronised and belittled. I don’t know what prompted you to take that tone, but it was not appreciated. At all. You could have handled it better and your attitude needs a lot of work. You should be ashamed of yourself. Age and even managerial positions are no excuse to bully people, and I do NOT like being bullied.

Safaricom is providing substandard service, so much so that I’m on another network. You call me on your network, you don’t get through, you call me on a competing network, and you STILL talk to me like you’re doing me a favour? Well excuse me!

Mr Manager, I have three cell phones – though not necessarily the three pictured above. Each phone has its own dedicated line – Zain, Yu, and Safaricom. There’s method to the madness, but it does get a bit cumbersome, so thank you for giving me the excuse to get rid of one. I only kept the Safaricom line for Mpesa and to pay my electricity bills. I am now quite happy to go to Stima Plaza or wherever, queue for hours, and pay my bills from there.

Safaricom is one of the most successful companies in Kenya, but it sucks raw eggs. I voiced a genuine concern, and instead I get a ticking off. I was worried about being scammed, and instead of assuaging my concerns, you blame me for being cautious.

It would have been extremely satisfying to express these sentiments during the phone call, but I was much too appalled to say anything except ‘ok’, and I tuned you out after about two minutes. I would like to use far stronger words now, but two hours later, I’m still counting to ten. Repeatedly.

As and for you Justus, we have bones to pick. One, I did not imply that Safaricom were implicit, even though I did once get a call from a stalker who works for Safaricom and picked my number out of the database. I know who the person is, but I hadn’t spoken to him since before the age of cell phones, so that was just creepy.

When I said inside job, I meant that the scammer called the man’s wife, which means he was an insider to the family. Two, before I blogged, I tried to enquire, through Safaricom Customer Care, which is the logical place to ask about stuff like this.

Three, Safaricom announced on radio that Mpesa users did not have to register. It’s not an assumption I pulled out of thin air, so there’s no need to take that tone with me. The text did not say anything about CCK, it simply asked for information that Safaricom already has.

And a land mark.

Since all my phones are registered via Zap or Mpesa , and since Yu were nice enough to register my phone personally during a phone call to Customer Care, the land mark thing was news to me. It would not have killed someone at Customer Care to simply explain that. I’m sure they would have. If they had answered the effing phone.

Finally, I am sweet, and I am intelligent. I was simply asking Safaricom whether the 232 text came from them. So I’m taking your advice. I’m manning up as you suggested. But just for the record, I’m a lady.

Now, Yu, you rock. Your ads rock. That dude singing to his chickens will forever hold a place in my heart. But … about those endless text promotions … stop. Please. And Zain, good clarity, great prices, but you need more ZAP outlets. Seriously. I’m watching you, so keep sharp.

Goodbye Safaricom. It certainly has NOT been a pleasure.

♫ Have a nice day ♫ Bon Jovi ♫

For more information on 3CB, click here. Still no landmarks.